Ingredients

People are always asking us, "What makes you so quirky?"  (That's a really polite way of wondering why we are obsessed with film, literature, and our family.  Someone recently went as far as to claim that I am insane.  I will choose to take this both in stride and as a compliment.  This is something that you must often do when you are as easily amused with your own self as we happen to be.)

"We are each a combination of many factors woven together out of the joys and sorrows of life.  We're the product of our choices.  We're the result of what was done for us or to us by our parents.  What were the ingredients that made you who you are?"

Well Luci Swindoll, I'm so glad you asked.

Val and I (and the bonus Jonas, Clay) are the result of a house that played a lot of classical music and watched a lot of the 3 Stooges.  We grew up eating picnics in the park on Sunday afternoons, attending thousands of band and choir concerts, and memorizing our own home movies.  That's right, if you don't know what we are quoting, we are probably quoting the childhood version of ourselves.

If your family attended church, you more than likely went out to lunch on Sunday.  This was not the case for our family. (Which is possibly the reason that I ate out every Sunday for lunch while in college.)  We usually enjoyed grilled cheese sandwiches while fighting over... err... reading the comics.

Soft drinks (Cokes) were reserved for special occasions.  (Which is possibly the reason I lived off of coke throughout college.)  But being the especially sneaky children that we were, we often used to drink cokes in the closet under the stairway and then hide the cans in the various drawers and crevices, only to act totally dumbfounded by such an item a few months later when mom discovered the cans.  Why we didn't throw them away when she was at the grocery store I will never know.

We were only allowed two or three Oreos for dessert.  (Which is possibly the reason you will still find the container for Oreos upstairs when we all come home for holidays.)  I discovered early on that you can fight this system.  Simply drop two Oreos into the bottom of your cup of milk and carry the three you are allowed to the table.  Although the extra Oreos will be soggy, you will have achieved a successful breaking of the rules right in front of the enemy.

I would not recommend that you allow your children to take their carrots or vitamins to "finish outside."  We didn't finish them.  We pushed the carrots and vitamins through the floorboards of our playhouse.  Our parents didn't realize that they were giving us so much more than just a place to let our imaginations run wild. 

We all read the paper, just different sections of it.  The T.V. was reserved for the weekend (or whenever mom and dad left the house.  So glad the garage door was so noisy.  "Run!  They're home.  Val, start playing the piano.  Hurry, Clay!")  Sugary cereals came three weeks out of the year (Happy Birthday to me from Lucky Charms) - and then any time you could win the battle over the mini boxes at the beach house.  I imagine we are the only kids who would try and wake up early to make sure you didn't get stuck with Apple Jacks.

We are a lucky family who still loves laughing in the kitchen and walking through the neighborhood.  We spent Advent around a wreath, and Easter at the Cha-Cha Church.  Those most loved are the brunt of countless jokes.  I pity any fool trying to enter this extended family.  We live on malts, BBQ, 7-layer dip, chocolate pie, sweet potato casserole, tiger butter, and cashews. 

My older cousin confessed to thinking us the strict family, but I know we had a fabulous childhood.  Thank you to mom and dad for:

-Doughnuts on Sunday Mornings

-Countless Family Vacations without a television producing some of the best memories.

-Music Lessons (and even getting to practice piano at 6:15am)

-Letting us try everything, even the things we were less than coordinated for (Ballet, tap, baton twirling, soccer, basketball, volleyball, softball, hockey, swim team, children's theatre, scouts, art class...)

-Breakfast for dinner

-Movie traditions on Christmas Day

-Wonderful examples of giving and prioritizing faith

-A wide appreciation for music

-A bizarre sense of humor

-The command to "Go outside and play!"

-Encouragement to do or be anything we so desire... even if we are a bit insane.

From home movies circa 1988-

Mom: What did you do today?

Ginger: I went to BSF...

Valerie: Blah, blah, yadda, shirt, paper...

Ginger:  And then I came home...

Valerie: Blah, blah, blah, babble...

Ginger:  And then I came home...

Valerie: Paper in the sink...

Ginger:  AND THEN I CAME HOME and had my quiet time.

Valerie:  Pizza!

Erica?

The lesson this weekend came straight out of Joshua chapter two. I was teaching through the story of Rahab hiding the spies in Jericho to my third through fifth graders. The main lesson point: Take a risk in His name. The verse: "God is no mere human. He does not tell lies or change his mind." Numbers 23:19. The kids were tracking with me during all three of the services, or at least they seemed to be. At the end of the lesson we proceeded into our weekly trivia challenge. The questions are easy enough if you've been listening to the lesson... IF being the operative word. Holy moly 11:00am service... what in the world?


Me: What was the name of the woman who hid the spies.
5th grade girl: Umm...huh....uhh...
Me: I know you know this. Is it on the tip of your tongue?
5th grade girl: Yes.
Me: What letter does her name start with?
5th grade girl: A c....
Me: Let's go over to the fourth grade.
Child who is madly waving their hand: Erica!
Me: Umm. Not really close. I'll give you a hint. It starts with an R.
4th grade boy: ...Rerica!!
Me: Oh gosh. Third grade?
3rd grade boy: Ray.
Me: Halfway there. Where were you guys this morning? I've failed you.
5th grade boy bursting at the seams: RAYA!!
Me: Nope.
4th grade girl: Rahub.
Me: Close enough. Everyone say RAHAB. Now everyone say RAHAB! One more time...


I had hoped this might have been the only problematic question of the morning, but perhaps I was aiming to high.


Me: What was the name of the city that the spies were sent to check out especially? The one that RAHAB lived in?
3rd grade girl: Jerusalem!
Me: Good guess and correct first letter!
5th grade boy: Ginger?
Me: Are you guessing the name of the city?
5th grade boy: Yes.
Me: And Ginger is the name of the city?
5th grade boy: I think so.
Me: Ginger is my name. Rahab was the woman in the story, and NOT Erica, remember everyone?!!
5th grade boy: Oh. How about Jericha?
Me: What about 4th grade?
4th grade: JERICHO!!
Me: Thank you!! Now everyone say JERICHO...and again... now say RAHAB LIVED IN JERICHO!

Peeves, not the poltergeist

I’ve begun to realize that adding just one other person to any given situation is often enough kindling to start my blood boiling. I don’t know where I get it from (hah). I found myself screaming, yes screaming, at a car driving past me last week. It was 1:00pm on a Monday afternoon, school was in session. I slowed my car down to 30 miles an hour as soon as the school zone hit. The Cadillac SUV behind me zoomed on by holding her arms out as if to say, “What the heck are you doing?” I of course, respond in the way I should and throw my arms up trying to somehow convey “SCHOOL ZONE LADY.” (I also scream this very loudly in my car.) I’m sure she understood and felt significant remorse.

I received a text today. “25 people going to eat at a restaurant. Your own personal hell.” Mind you, I don’t mind people in general at restaurants, but I cannot stand the mob mentality of a table with more than 6. I believe 6 to be somehow manageable. More than that and the poor waitress has such a time getting anyone to pay attention to her. I find myself becoming the manager of the group. “Guys, what do you want to drink!?!” Or later when she returns with the orders, “WHO ORDERED THE CALZONE?!!” I can’t handle it. Well, I suppose I do handle it, but I just have to lower my expectations ahead of time and prepare myself to be working for the restaurant that night.

Last but not least, self-doubt. I’m not talking about the kind of self-doubt that keeps you from meeting new people or going new places. Mine looks a little something like this: I wake up, make coffee, eat breakfast, get ready, plug in the curling iron, curl hair, unplug the curling iron, pack bag, grab lunch, fill coffee cup, turn off coffee maker, turn off lights, turn air up or down, shut door, lock door, run down the stairs, open car, throw bags into the back, sit in driver seat, pull out, drive 3 minutes down the road and then doubt that I have either A) Turned the air up or down, B) Unplugged the curling iron, or C) Turned off the coffee pot. Invariably, even as much as 60% of the time – if I am within 10 minutes from home…I will turn back around, pull into my apartment complex, park the car, and run upstairs just to check. 98% of the time (no clue on the actual statistics) I’ve doubted myself for no good reason and find everything just as it should be. You can be sure I will not be the source of an apartment fire - although I might personally explode from frustration one of these times...but I doubt it.

The Trail That Led Them Here

One of the smartest things we ever did in creating this blog was to install a counter that collects information about who visits the site and how they get here. I find endless entertainment in reading what people searched for that led them to Saltwater Coke. Here are a few of my favorite keywords:

fisher and pickle magna doodle (Huh?)

little drummer boy orphan annie (How do these go together?)

why some people are always single (This one is depressing.)

side ponytail 90s (No. Not okay.)

turkey a la key recipe (Do they mean 'a la king?')

sara troll (Is this... someone's name?)

ginger for canker sores (Ginger, do you heal people's canker sores?)

small bathroom in closet (Huh?)

high school awful (Why would you search for this?)

jenna fischer horse scene (Not sure I even want to know)

coming up with names for wow (Actually i think "wow" is a very good name already)

what does little orphan annie look like today (Why would someone need to know this?)

stacy london overalls (I don't think Stacy London would appreciate being associated with overalls. At all)

how do you spell kaki? (The pants khaki, or my cousin Kaki?)

skim milk vs 2% expiration (No idea how they found our blog with this one)

she reminds me the accident (Again, how is this associated with us?)

apple head doll caveman (I just....what?)

Here's to hoping that people continue to Google odd/weird/trippy phrases, and most importantly, that they continue to be directed to our little blog.

Lest you think coming up with a name was easy….

Here’s a peek at a conversation we had while deciding what to call our blog.

Ginger: it could be "Pick a Lane"
Valerie: i think the title comes last
Ginger: or "Your skull is on my eye"
lol
Valerie: and is not a weird
and disturbing
Ginger: lol
"I just lav it"
lol
I just realized there was an interview going on in the office next to me
and I was laughing way to loud
Valerie: haha wow
you are 2 cool
4 school
Ginger: that could be it
2 Cool 4 School
cuz we are 2
and we are out of school
and stuff
Valerie: all true
tho i dont know about the 'cool
part
Ginger: 2 cute 2 4get
Valerie: HAHAHA
Ginger: "Good for a Laugh"
"New Mexico Sandwhich"
get it?
Valerie: .....
Ginger: Arizona...Texas...
what's in the middle?
Valerie: oh
Sandwich
:)
thats funny!
Ginger: "New Mexico Two Step Sandwich"
Valerie: oh my
Ginger: lol
"Mac N Cheese"
Valerie: ha
you would be cheesey
Ginger: and you would...put your mac on?
Valerie: lol
Ginger: it would definately have cheese potential
Ginger: "If the pew fits"
Valerie: oh wow
Ginger: "Don't bite off more than you can chew...especially if it's corn on the cob"
"gargle...stop laughing...gargle"
"Who eats Babies?"
Valerie: what?!
Ginger: clay
oatmeal
babies
haha
Valerie: ooooh
lol
yeah!
let's call our blog "Who eats Babies?"
Ginger: lol
Valerie: good job
cut and print
Ginger: lol
Magna-doodle
"Steal Your Own"
"Reach for the stars"
Valerie: "I'll defend you as my friend cause Jesus calls me his friend too"
Ginger: "Yum yum...eat em up."
"THE ROACH"
Valerie: haha
Ginger: "Clay's the ROACH!"
it would be unique
to say the least
Ginger: what if we call it
"ValPal"
or "Save trees - Blog"
"The gym has fungus."
"Laminated nametags"
"You forded the river"
"Laminated Ice Cream Cones"
Valerie: ok, you have officially gone off the deep end
lol
Ginger: lo
lol
anytime I see you type lol
it makes me lol
it's contagious
lol'ing
Valerie: ha
Ginger: are there shots for that?
the lolio virus
Here lies Janie, dead from lolio. Rip
"You shot 2 buffalo"
"Just a coke"
"The derby's been around forever"
"Inclement weather"
"And a pickle shooting train"
Valerie: you are going insane
i am sure of it
Ginger: "I don't hear you playing!"
(piano)
"Clean laundry in the dirty clothes!!!"
Valerie: i am so worried about you right now
Ginger: i'm waiting for you to call one of them genuis
Valerie: yeah, you keep hoping
Ginger: "Many will meet their doom"
Valerie: lol
Ginger: come one!
we can do it
"Your skull is on my eye!"
Valerie: we dont even remember what that one is from!!
Ginger: "CLAY!"
how bout that
just clay
because we have a brother named clay
lol
Valerie: ha
Ginger: and we are clay in the potters hand
Valerie: tales of 75074
Ginger: sounds so dramatic
Valerie: lol i know
haha
Ginger: like an e true hollywood story or something
"Note to self"
"Be Right Back"
"What happened to Dr. Quinn?"
"Before the sun sets on the third day"
Valerie: okay, now you're just going crazy
Ginger: lol
Valerie: and i cant stop laughing
Ginger: ""Littlefoot and Sarah"
Valerie: "Sarcast-ulous"
Ginger: "Head butting for tree stars"
Valerie: OH MY GOSH
Ginger: lol
Valerie: you have problems
"Sarcasti-ful"
Ginger: sarcasti - no
Valerie: "Sarcasti-licious"
lol
Sarcasti-headbutting dinosaurs
Ginger: lo
Valerie: how bout THAT
Ginger: l
"Oh My Goodness!"
"Lemon, lemon...sunshine in a cup"
we did have lemonaid stands
Valerie: lemonade
Ginger: "The lime and the coconut"
Valerie: which is which
Ginger: The liming coconut
"Say, that's swell"
82 to 84
final score
Valerie: ?
Ginger: 1982
1984
Valerie: ooh
Ginger: 6 to 1/2 dozen of the other
Valerie: lol
nice twist
what does that even mean?
Ginger: lol
no clue
Valerie: :)
Ginger: Hola, mi llamo...
Hola, ,mi llamo Enry Iggins
Valerie: wow
Ginger: i'm trying
"The cha-cha church"
"Fireworks in the Shower"
lol
probably not good
Valerie: HAHA
Ginger: now that I read that
Valerie: no
lol
Ginger: lol
shaking
"We ALWAYS have ham"
get it because we ham it up
and we always have ham
"Not it"
"Pass the ketchup"
"Chew with your mouth closed"
"Trundle Bed"
"Now I lay me down to sleep"
"Get a real job":
Valerie: what are you even doing anymore?
LOL
Ginger: still sending ideas
Ginger: "Pair for the Course"
get it
par
pair
Valerie: lol
this is going to be interesting...
Ginger: De-Caf with a side of Sarcasm
"Hi I'm sarcasm and this is my sister cynical..."
enjoy your meeting
going to get ready to film.
"Up, Up, WHOAH"
"Blue Scales"
Pairody
Pair-ody
Valerie: lol
have fun
BLUE!
scales....
Ginger: thanks
dark forest
What degree? 1,000!
"Come get your bear."
"Lord beer me strength"
Valerie: lol
Ginger: "Guys, it's ok. She didn't mean to steal the money."
Valerie: ok, now i really have to go
HAHAHAHA
lol
love it
Ginger: lol
Valerie: ok, talk to you later
and LOST tonight
woot!!
Ginger: Get lost
lol
Valerie: ha
:)
bye