Joey: Interview me immediately.
Valerie: Who do you think you could do a really great impression of?
Joey: Fidel Castro. If you gave me two months to grow a beard.
Valerie: What are you most excited for during the month of October?
Joey: JPIN (Julie's Posse Invades Nashville, thanks AP). Me and Sam are also going to Graceland. I watched a documentary on Graceland where some old lady ran into the jungle room and took nail clippings. She says they are Elvis. I also saw a lady who claimed to have a wart of Elvis'. She had it in a vial.
Valerie: Oh like you wouldn't pay big money for a Brad Pitt wart.
Joey: I hope to be one of those people. I have Brad Pitt's autograph. It's a make up test from Fight Club. It says "Brad" with a squiggle after. Other celebrity autographs include David Letterman, Apollo and Starbuck from Battlestar, Paul Schaffer, Fergie, and Will Ferrell.
Valerie: I like your variety.
Joey: Paul Shaffer wrote, "Stay hip!" Defining life advice?
Valerie: What was your best or favorite year of college?
Joey: Senior. Easily senior. I really enjoyed it. Hung out at House 9, got into law school, did a lot of club stuff. It was a really good time. Freshman year I was insanely shy, sophomore year was great because of Oxford, junior was hard for a lot of reasons. My favorite year of high school was junior. Second grade was my favorite elementary school year because I learned about rock and roll. Middle school years were all a tie for last place. What about you?
Valerie: Yikes. I'd have to isolate two semesters. I'd go with spring semester of sophomore year, also for Oxford, and then spring semester of junior year. House 9 got really fun, and I was soaking up time with Lara before she left for England, and I hung out with a lot of people I never had before. And my roommates and I just had a ton of fun! I think that was really kind of the height of House 9. Lots of great Chinese Food Fridays at our house, tons of theme parties... It was just fun!
Joey: Glory.
Valerie: Glory indeed. What was your first impression or memory of me? And don't worry- I won't be offended by any less than favorable responses. Including, "I don't really have any memories of you. Oxford? Really? Were you there??"
Joey: Did you sit with your roommates when we had our pre-Oxford meeting in the Bible building?
Valerie: Oh yes.
Joey: Well, I remember thinking y’all were interesting at that meeting. Then in Oxford I thought you were sassy. I remember standing in the hall of the second floor and you telling some kind of travel story.
Valerie: I'm sure you were riveted.
Joey: Would you rather get a VIP pass to Comic Con, Emmys, or Oscars?
Valerie: OSCARS. Holy crap on toast. Wait, who is interviewing whom here?
Joey: I don't know. Both.
Valerie: Haha okay. I have input from a third party on a question now....
Joey: Mystery Guest!
Valerie: Indeed! "What is your favorite Austin eatery, and what do you order?"
Joey: Pssh. Z Tejas. Iron Cactus. Chuys. Manuel's. Mothers. Taco Bell. Salvation Pizza.
Valerie: And how does that work, with your current low carb status?
Joey: Awesome. As long as I eat crazy stuff before 2 pm or so.
Valerie: Duly noted.
Joey: I'm intrigued by Mystery Guest. What kind of food do they want?
Valerie: Well they are just helping with the interview! So really it's a theoretical....
Joey: Oh.
Valerie: Yeah. Sorry.
Joey: Taco Bell is my favorite restaurant. Z Tejas is my favorite real restaurant. Book People is my favorite bookstore. Stubb's is my favorite music venue. Rusty Nail is my favorite cocktail
or Hendricks Gin and Tonic. I don't go to coffee places.
Valerie: When are you writing your "Joey's Guide to Austin" book?
Joey: When I move out of the suburbs.
Valerie: Follow up question: What will said book be called?
Joey: Ah... Hmm. “Joey Gets Lost: What Not to Do in the 512.”
Valerie: I like it! I would buy your book. And not just because we're friends. Though that would be like 95% of the reason.
Joey: Thanks for your support.
Valerie: Hey no prob! Batman or Superman?
Joey: Oh man. Traditionally I would've said Batman hands down. Superman seemed so lame and vanilla. But really, I think Superman is more impressive, because he deals with evil in a world not his own, and he chooses to stay optimistic and hopeful. Batman has a lot of merit too. He's a pragmatist, a realist. I think DC does a great job of playing the two off each other. They want the same thing, but they have different MOs (and probably different motives). They kind of balance each other and need each other. One of my favorite comics was this book called Red Planet (I think?) where Superman lands in the Soviet Union instead of America. And how he supports Communism and it's kind of an alternate history, really thoughtful. Heath's Joker gives that great upside down speech, where he really names Batman.
Valerie: I love seeing the things you're passionate about, I must say.
Joey: Taco Bell and comics.
Valerie: You're a profound man.
Joey: Well really, comics and law/politics are dealing with the same things. What's justice, what's the best way to live, what obligations do we have to each other. What happens when people give up? What happens when they persevere? Obama has been painted with a Superman costume under his shirt, and there's that pic of him posing under Superman. What happens when Joey eats a cheesy bean and rice burrito and immediately after takes a standardized three-hour test in a quiet room?
Valerie: LOL! The world definitely wants to know! Well, I think we'll go ahead and start wrapping this up. Any final thoughts? Words you'd like to leave our audience with?
Joey: Um.
Valerie: Nice.
Joey: Yes. 1) I wish I was friends with Seth Cohen and Chuck Bartowski and Veronica Mars. And that we all hung out. I don't have anything good. I was just thinking that Rachel Bilson went out with both of them. I was then thinking that if all of us were on a dating show. Plus Natalie Portman. Wwho would end up with who... Seth, Chuck, me. Bilson, Natalie, Veronica.
Valerie: You have more good ideas than a...peddler of good ideas.
Joey: Another thing I want the world to know is that I'm really good at guessing who is who on Gay, Straight, or Taken.
Valerie: Yeah?
Joey: Yes. 4/5 I get right. Also, I don't understand why DVRs still have the Record to VCR option. Is that viable in 2009? Aren't automatic transmissions the new standard transmission?
Valerie: So true.
Joey: The last thing is that if I invented English, the word for mirror would be one of those words that is the same backwards and forwards
Valerie: Now THAT'S a good idea.
Joey: And I love space. I often have dreams of floating in space.
Valerie: Planning to join NASA after law school?
Joey: No, but I went sky diving. Also I played Mass Effect a lot on xbox. Which is basically space.
Valerie: Agreed. Well Joseph, I think I've taken up more than my fair share of your time. Back to studying?
Joey: Okay, I'm gonna get back to...the uniform commercial code
Valerie: Sounds thrilling! Another interview topic for another day, I am sure.
Joey: Thanks for having me. When are you coming to town?
Valerie: As soon as I'm invited, I suppose! A Joey's Posse Invades Austin party, perhaps?
Joey: Yes. I'll figure it out after the bar. Okay, back to the books
Valerie: Good luck!
End Scene.
3 comments:
Did this just happen?
Why was I not on Gchat??!?
Oh. Because I am lame and have been sitting on the couch in my bedroom looking at books and stuff, even though I have to be awake in 4 hours.
TO BED!
(But seriously, you people are amazing.)
Hilarious, both of you. And is that photo from my wedding?
I'd have to agree about the best semesters of college, Val. The height of House 9, indeed. :)
My morning is so. Much. Better. :) Thanks.
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