Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Scattered Thoughts for a Stars Hollow-day

It's late November, so naturally it's time to think about family, Thanksgiving, the inevitable Christmas shopping, and of course, the return of Gilmore Girls.

I'm quick to tell anyone who will listen that I have four all-time favorite television shows, and I absolutely love them all. But there's only one show that I fall asleep to each and every single night, and that's Gilmore Girls. I'm somewhat of a Gilmore historian now, with more trivia and facts about the show packed into my brain than you might believe. I own two books about the show, I used to frequent online message boards about the show, and I'm currently an avid listener of the Gilmore Guys podcast.

Hi, I'm Valerie, and I'm a Gilmore Girls addict.

And yet.

And yet, I am a bit wary of this Friday's release of four new 90-minute episodes. Yes, Amy Sherman-Palladino is back.* But remember: Amy was still involved with season six, a series of episodes that saw Rory and Lorelai be separated for "five months, three weeks, and sixteen days,"** the introduction of fan-favorite April Nardini (j/k everyone hates her), the introduction of dog Paul Anka (Who honestly believes Lorelai is a dog person? To quote season one Lorelai: "That's it! We are not animal people! Period."), the introduction of doormat Lorelai (the Lorelai of seasons past would have spoken up and voiced her opinions to Luke long before things built to an ultimatum), and an increasingly insufferable Rory (I could write an entire additional blog entry about the inappropriate way she badgers her way into a job in The Prodigal Daughter Returns.)

All that to say, if Gilmore Girls Colon A Year In The Life feels more like season six than the show's heyday (aka everything that came before season six), I will be a bit disappointed.

But. I'm still really excited, and can't wait to check back in on Stars Hollow and my favorite characters.

Incidentally, here are my favorite characters:

5. Brad Langford
4. Jess Mariano
3. Brian Fuller
2. Dave Rygalski
1. Lorelai Gilmore

Gilmore Girls has always been a warm fuzzy blanket to pull around my shoulders. It has always been more than the base-level question of which of Rory's boyfriends she should end up with. It's a honey-colored hug, and a visit to a familiar, hilarious, quick-witted place we ALL wish existed in real life. I love the character of Lorelai so, so much. Positive, clever, caring, independent, capable, sparkling, and smart-- so much to aspire to.

The show is obviously well-known for the speed and wit of its dialogue. But I think some of its funniest moments are actually non-verbal, or at least only funny because of the way the actor performs it. Here's a not-so-comprehensive list:

  • Teach Me Tonight - Lorelai tries a brownie to which Luke accidentally added too much chocolate. Lorelai tries a bite, looks like she's going to spit it out, then considers and says, "Mm, that's good!" The way Lauren Graham performs this line has always cracked. Me. Up.
  • Bridesmaids Revisited - Rory, heartbroken over Logan being the worst, goes to a bar and gets drunk. A waitress clearing dishes picks up Rory's beverage napkin. This incenses a tipsy Rory, who immediately starts berating the waitress. "Don't take what's mine. These came with MY drinks." She ends it with the kicker, "Sick of people touching my STUFF!" I realize this is not at all funny on paper, but the line reading Alexis Bledel gives it is absolutely hysterical.
  • They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They? - Jackson is upset about Sookie and Lorelai discussing his and Sookie's personal life. He yells, "My child-bearing arrangements are between me and Sookie!" Then Luke interjects, "And the Lord." Scott Patterson's deadpan here is pure gold.
  • Keg! Max! - Brian's freaking out before the band's first-ever gig. Zach hears that it's heartburn and insists, "I told you, dude, it's your citrus intake. Stop eating oranges." What high school-aged guy says this to another guy? Hilarious.
  •  Let Me Hear Your Balilaikas Ringing Out - Luke has unknowingly become the sponsor for a soccer team full of violence-obsessed girls. After a winning game, one cherubic-looking player gleefully announces, "She went one way and her knee went the other!" Then all the girls cheer.
  • The Third Lorelai -Tristan is incredulous at the fact that Rory would suggest he date Paris. Please re-watch the way Chad Michael Murray says, "Are you serious?" It KILLS me!
  • Say Goodnight, Gracie - It's the morning after the disastrous party at Kyle's house. Lorelai learns that Rory was the cause of an enormous fight that broke out and says, "So not only did you go to a cop-raided party but you started the raid?
    Rory: Yes.
    Lorelai: This fence is broken because of you, this crap is on the ground because of you.
    Rory: What's your point?
  And then, immediately, this:

And now, two slightly controversial opinions.

  1. Jason Stiles was a great boyfriend. He came the closest to matching Lorelai's wit and pace of dialogue ("Take a poll! No one in this room has any idea what this crazy old man is talking about!"), and he really cared about her. Plus he was way more FUN (and Lorelai is all about having fun!) than Max, Alex, Christopher, or Luke. Let's go.
  2. April Nardini is not the worst character on the show. That honor belongs to her mother Anna: an unreasonable, spiteful, and joyless human being. Stay in New Mexico forever, Nardini!
Finally, I'm not above acknowledging one of Gilmore's biggest weaknesses: continuity. Specifically, its utter lack of any type of understanding of time/anything that's happened in the past. How long did Lorelai live at her parents with Rory before she moved to Stars Hollow? How long has Luke actually known the girls? Don't think about these questions too hard! However, the most egregious offense to me is an off-hand exchange between Rory and Jess in A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving. 

Jess: It's not the first time a couple’s broken up.
Rory: It is for us.

Uh... in what universe is this the first time Rory and Dean broke up? Apparently the writers temporarily forgot that they were broken up for like five episodes in season one. And two of those episodes were ALL ABOUT the break-up! Literally! There was an episode called The Break-Up Part 2! And Dean and Rory even discuss that storyline in season two! ("Breaking up, not for us.") And I know what you're thinking. 'Val. You're obsessing over a reference made by two fictional characters from an episode of a television show that aired 14 years ago. Get over it.'

Well, that's something that's just between me and the Gilmore Girls.

And the Lord.
*Sherman-Palladino, the creator and voice of the show, famously left after season six. Season seven was produced without her, and it's pretty universally agreed-upon that this season is a bit sub-par. (Jason Mantzoukas: "I felt like I was watching a show that I love be haunted.")

**What a weird way to say that amount of time. Would this not actually be six months, one week, and two days? I mean, far be it from me to correct Lorelai, but... what??