Scattered Thoughts for a Stars Hollow-day

It's late November, so naturally it's time to think about family, Thanksgiving, the inevitable Christmas shopping, and of course, the return of Gilmore Girls.

I'm quick to tell anyone who will listen that I have four all-time favorite television shows, and I absolutely love them all. But there's only one show that I fall asleep to each and every single night, and that's Gilmore Girls. I'm somewhat of a Gilmore historian now, with more trivia and facts about the show packed into my brain than you might believe. I own two books about the show, I used to frequent online message boards about the show, and I'm currently an avid listener of the Gilmore Guys podcast.

Hi, I'm Valerie, and I'm a Gilmore Girls addict.

And yet.

And yet, I am a bit wary of this Friday's release of four new 90-minute episodes. Yes, Amy Sherman-Palladino is back.* But remember: Amy was still involved with season six, a series of episodes that saw Rory and Lorelai be separated for "five months, three weeks, and sixteen days,"** the introduction of fan-favorite April Nardini (j/k everyone hates her), the introduction of dog Paul Anka (Who honestly believes Lorelai is a dog person? To quote season one Lorelai: "That's it! We are not animal people! Period."), the introduction of doormat Lorelai (the Lorelai of seasons past would have spoken up and voiced her opinions to Luke long before things built to an ultimatum), and an increasingly insufferable Rory (I could write an entire additional blog entry about the inappropriate way she badgers her way into a job in The Prodigal Daughter Returns.)

All that to say, if Gilmore Girls Colon A Year In The Life feels more like season six than the show's heyday (aka everything that came before season six), I will be a bit disappointed.

But. I'm still really excited, and can't wait to check back in on Stars Hollow and my favorite characters.

Incidentally, here are my favorite characters:

5. Brad Langford
4. Jess Mariano
3. Brian Fuller
2. Dave Rygalski
1. Lorelai Gilmore

Gilmore Girls has always been a warm fuzzy blanket to pull around my shoulders. It has always been more than the base-level question of which of Rory's boyfriends she should end up with. It's a honey-colored hug, and a visit to a familiar, hilarious, quick-witted place we ALL wish existed in real life. I love the character of Lorelai so, so much. Positive, clever, caring, independent, capable, sparkling, and smart-- so much to aspire to.

The show is obviously well-known for the speed and wit of its dialogue. But I think some of its funniest moments are actually non-verbal, or at least only funny because of the way the actor performs it. Here's a not-so-comprehensive list:

• Teach Me Tonight - Lorelai tries a brownie to which Luke accidentally added too much chocolate. Lorelai tries a bite, looks like she's going to spit it out, then considers and says, "Mm, that's good!" The way Lauren Graham performs this line has always cracked. Me. Up.
• Bridesmaids Revisited - Rory, heartbroken over Logan being the worst, goes to a bar and gets drunk. A waitress clearing dishes picks up Rory's beverage napkin. This incenses a tipsy Rory, who immediately starts berating the waitress. "Don't take what's mine. These came with MY drinks." She ends it with the kicker, "Sick of people touching my STUFF!" I realize this is not at all funny on paper, but the line reading Alexis Bledel gives it is absolutely hysterical.
• They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They? - Jackson is upset about Sookie and Lorelai discussing his and Sookie's personal life. He yells, "My child-bearing arrangements are between me and Sookie!" Then Luke interjects, "And the Lord." Scott Patterson's deadpan here is pure gold.
• Keg! Max! - Brian's freaking out before the band's first-ever gig. Zach hears that it's heartburn and insists, "I told you, dude, it's your citrus intake. Stop eating oranges." What high school-aged guy says this to another guy? Hilarious.
•  Let Me Hear Your Balilaikas Ringing Out - Luke has unknowingly become the sponsor for a soccer team full of violence-obsessed girls. After a winning game, one cherubic-looking player gleefully announces, "She went one way and her knee went the other!" Then all the girls cheer.
• The Third Lorelai -Tristan is incredulous at the fact that Rory would suggest he date Paris. Please re-watch the way Chad Michael Murray says, "Are you serious?" It KILLS me!
• Say Goodnight, Gracie - It's the morning after the disastrous party at Kyle's house. Lorelai learns that Rory was the cause of an enormous fight that broke out and says, "So not only did you go to a cop-raided party but you started the raid?
  Rory: Yes.
  Lorelai: This fence is broken because of you, this crap is on the ground because of you.
  Rory: What's your point?

  And then, immediately, this:




And now, two slightly controversial opinions.

1. Jason Stiles was a great boyfriend. He came the closest to matching Lorelai's wit and pace of dialogue ("Take a poll! No one in this room has any idea what this crazy old man is talking about!"), and he really cared about her. Plus he was way more FUN (and Lorelai is all about having fun!) than Max, Alex, Christopher, or Luke. Let's go.
2. April Nardini is not the worst character on the show. That honor belongs to her mother Anna: an unreasonable, spiteful, and joyless human being. Stay in New Mexico forever, Nardini!

Finally, I'm not above acknowledging one of Gilmore's biggest weaknesses: continuity. Specifically, its utter lack of any type of understanding of time/anything that's happened in the past. How long did Lorelai live at her parents with Rory before she moved to Stars Hollow? How long has Luke actually known the girls? Don't think about these questions too hard! However, the most egregious offense to me is an off-hand exchange between Rory and Jess in A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving. 

Jess: It's not the first time a couple’s broken up.
Rory: It is for us.

Uh... in what universe is this the first time Rory and Dean broke up? Apparently the writers temporarily forgot that they were broken up for like five episodes in season one. And two of those episodes were ALL ABOUT the break-up! Literally! There was an episode called The Break-Up Part 2! And Dean and Rory even discuss that storyline in season two! ("Breaking up, not for us.") And I know what you're thinking. 'Val. You're obsessing over a reference made by two fictional characters from an episode of a television show that aired 14 years ago. Get over it.'

Well, that's something that's just between me and the Gilmore Girls.

And the Lord.
   
*Sherman-Palladino, the creator and voice of the show, famously left after season six. Season seven was produced without her, and it's pretty universally agreed-upon that this season is a bit sub-par. (Jason Mantzoukas: "I felt like I was watching a show that I love be haunted.")

**What a weird way to say that amount of time. Would this not actually be six months, one week, and two days? I mean, far be it from me to correct Lorelai, but... what??

Top 10 Best Thanksgiving Episodes (Ever.)

Happy Thanksgiving, Bloggie Friends!

Being a lover of television, I decided to put together a list of my the Top 10 Best Thanksgiving Episodes.

These are OBVIOUSLY the best episodes out of EVERY TELEVISION SHOW ON THE EARTH, because I have seen them ALL. Obviously.

Just so we're clear.

10. Grey's Anatomy, “Thanks for the Memories”
Izzie assists Burke with the meal in the kitchen as if it were a surgery, George goes hunting with his dad and brothers (with disastrous results), and Meredith and Christina hide from the holiday by working in the hospital. Ah, Thanksgiving! But this is pretty much typical for the insane staff of Seattle Grace. Oh well- we love them anyway! Most of the time...



9. Alias, "Color Blind"
Okay, so at first glance this may not be the most obvious choice, considering Sydney is trapped in an insane asylum in Bucharest for much of the episode. And then she finds out who killed her fiance. And then SD-6 suspects they have a mole. BUT the episode does end with Thanksgiving dinner, a proposal, and Sydney even brings some leftovers to her estranged dad at work. It's sad but adorable, so of course I had to include it. Besides, Thanksgiving episodes could all use more spies and espionage, amiright?

8. The New Girl, "Thanksgiving"
I know, I'm even surprising myself by naming such a new episode on this list. But I find the show so endearing and hilarious that I just had to include it. This episode follows traditional Thanksgiving television tropes fairly closely- problems with cooking, wacky hijinx, new people invited over for dinner, etc.- but puts a fresh spin on each of them. I love Jess, I love the boys, and I love to see them welcoming Justin Long's Paul (as well as the kazoo he carries around with him). Plus, they put a TURKEY in the DRYER. Come on.

7. How I Met Your Mother, "Slapsgiving"
What can I say? This is a CLASSIC, not just among HIMYM fans, but for television fans. The Slap Bet is practically famous in its own right, so an episode that incorporates it into the plot so brilliantly must be mentioned. Seeing Marshall slap Barney's face off at the end of the episode? Major win. (*salutes* "Major Win!")

6. The OC, "The Homecoming"
I think this is a classic Thanksgiving episode. I do. I love that so many random bits of family and friends up at one house altogether. I love that Seth has lady drama for the first time in his life when BOTH Summer and Anna show up at his house. There is football, traditional Thanksgiving food, and time with family. But there is also a trip to Chino, Julie Cooper acting ridiculous, a Thanksgiving BLIND DATE, and the aforementioned lady drama. My love for this show is undying and eternal.

5. Friends, "The One Where Underdog Got Away"
Not everyone loves the early seasons of Friends, but I absolutely do. This episode is a great introduction to the yearly tradition of great Thanksgiving episodes on this show, and I think it holds up almost 20 (GAH!) years later. Here we learn about Chandler's distaste for all Pilgrim holidays, get to see Monica masterfully prepare four kinds of potatoes, and share in Rachel's excitement for a ski trip with her family. Of course, one Macy's Day Parade float gets away and everyone's Thanksgiving is ruined. At least they're all together, and as Chandler says over their meal of grilled cheese sandwiches, "I'm very thankful that all of your Thanksgivings sucked."

4. Cougar Town, "Here Comes My Girl"
I've already spilled enough virtual ink on the fact that this show isn't what you think it is, so let's just all move on, shall we? The simple premise for this episode is that Jules' son Travis brings his girlfriend over for Thanksgiving, so naturally things get supremely weird, which naturally means hilarious. Add in an over-the-top basketball game the guys play with some neighbor kids and Laurie changing clothes every few minutes (to top Katy Perry's costume changes at the MTV awards, OF COURSE) and you have a winner of an episode.

3. Friday Night Lights, "Thanksgiving"
The only episode on this list that is also a season finale, "Thanksgiving" is none-the-less an incredibly gripping episode, so meaningful, so weighty, so Texas. This episode finds the Taylors preparing to have plenty of company over for Thanksgiving dinner, because what sane person would not want to spend the holiday with the Taylors? For some reason, though, that company includes Buddy Garrity, who plans to come and fry his own turkey. As poor Tami laments to Coach, "Buddy Garrity is coming to MY house and bringing a turkey AND a fryer? When I'm MAKIN' dinner? Does that make any sense?" (You gotta love Tami!) Through it all, Coach Taylor has his eyes focused on a huge hometown rivalry game. During a Thursday practice an assistant coach reminds him, "It's Thanksgiving." "No, it's practice." Tell him, Coach!

I really wish I could find a video of the end of the episode where Tami comes home to find her family decorating the house for Christmas (true to Texas form) the day after Thanksgiving, as well as the accompanying montage. Because it's beautiful, as most everything on Friday Night Lights is. But alas, the internet has let me down, so instead just come borrow the DVDs from me!

2. Friends, "The One Where Ross Got High"
For my money (although really I only have like twelve dollars), this is the BEST Thanksgiving episode of the series, hands down. As much as I love The Ones With Chandler in a Box, All the Football, and All The Thanksgivings (not to mention Brad Pitt's episode), you just cannot beat one thing: Rachel's traditional English trifle. "It’s got all of these layers. First there’s a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!"

Add in Phoebe's bizarre crush on Mr. Gellar, Joey's tutorial on how to look happy and make yummy noises, and Ross's exclamation that Rachel's trifle "tastes like feet" and you have a gem of an episode. And if all that weren't enough, we get a rapid-fire outpouring of information to top everything off, including the confession that comprises the title of the episode. All of these exclamations and realizations lead to a hilarious monologue by Mrs. Gellar, addressing everyone's outbursts, including: "Rachel, no you weren’t supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good."

1. Gilmore Girls, "A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving"
Said in my best Stefon voice... Television's best Thanksgiving episode is "A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving." This episode has everything: not one, two, or three, but FOUR Thanksgiving dinners, Tofurkey, Cat Kirk and Human Kirk, deep-fried turkey (and mashed potatoes) (and pickles) (and a napkin), Grey Gardens, headless chocolate turkeys, and Joseph Stalin jokes.

Seriously though, this is an amazing episode, not only for the series but also as far as Thanksgiving episodes go as a whole. The basic plot comes down to Lorelai and Rory over-committing to Thanksgiving dinners and strategically planning how they are going to make it to all of them. Hijinx ensue! It has a brilliant mix of family time, interesting (and slightly off-kilter) Thanksgiving dinners, and classic Gilmore wit. I'm so happy it's part of my Thanksgiving tradition!



"You know what this means, don't you? We didn't have to skip the rolls."