Monday, June 29, 2009

Proof that the Sarcasm is Genetic

I've always been interested in documenting mundane details, or getting snapshots of the way things are right in the moment. On family road trips, I used to get out a spiral notebook and record everything that was said or done until I got bored. I tended to write down the time, where we were, what everyone was doing, what we were listening to, etc. I came upon one such notebook when going through my new box, so here now are two (partial) records of our time in the car.

In this first part, I think we are headed to Hot Springs, Arkansas. This would put me at I think 15 years old, meaning Ginger's about 17 and Clay's probably 10. By the way, the song Ginger is listening to in the beginning is (I hope she won't mind me saying) her solo from "Pippin," which she did her senior year of high school. She had probably just gotten the tape and was still learning it at this point. ALSO: a note that Clay and I used to fight. A lot. So...don't be surprised here. Okay, enough explanations! Enjoy riding along with our family...

Aaaand: SCENE
We are listening to the barf band (Beatles).

“Time to take a little from the world! Time to take time! In just no time at all!” sings Ginger, snapping her fingers.

“Valerie, don’t you really like this song?” asks Clay.

I nod. We are listening to “Fish Fry.” Dad is driving. We are going 70 mph. It is 12:47.

“Are we going to Little Rock?” says Clay.

“No.” says Mom. She shows him on the map.

“Everyone should have brought a hat.” Mom says.

“I did.” I say.

“To keep ticks out of our hair.”

“I brought a hat.”

“Yes, we need hats.”

“I have one, see?”

“Oh, good. You have a hat, Valerie!”

Ginger is still singing. It is 12:56.

We are listening to “Judy in Disguise With Glasses.” We go over a bridge.

Ginger is still singing. Clay is reading a “Betty and Veronica” book. It is 1:00.

Ginger is clapping her hands and counting.

“21 counts!” she says triumphantly.

Dad is scratching his neck. Mom has Clay’s quilt on her. Ginger says something that sounds like a dying rat. She says, “Was I being very loud?”

“Sort of,” I say. I am now listening to her song. It’s nice.

Mom is messing with her earring. It is 1:07.

Ginger is pulling the head phone cord. I am choking.

She smiles. “Sorry.”

Clay’s leg is on top of his other one. His head is sideways and his back is bent over and to the side. He moves his back, but not his head. He groans. He starts playing with his gum. It falls out of his mouth on the seat.

A hand falls on my shoulder.

“Where’s my jacket?” asks Ginger.

“I don’t know,” says Clay.

“Mom, where’s Ginger’s jacket?” I say.

“I don’t know. Clay, where’s Ginger’s jacket?”

“I don’t know,” says Clay. Clay finds it and picks it up. “Here.” He says.

“Who wants it?” says Mom.

“I’m giving it to her!” says Clay.

“Who wants it?” says Mom.

“Ginger!” I say.

Clay throws it on her lap.

Clay asks me if I want to read a wrestling magazine article. I mumble something that I don’t even know what I said.

“Mom, did you throw away this guy?” says Clay. [I think he’s looking at toy magazine, referring to action figures]

“I think so,” says Mom. “I threw away all the ones that were broken.”

“That means you threw away the Joker!” says Clay.

“I don’t know,” says Mom. “I didn’t take roll.”

Ginger laughs.

Dad just put a tape in. I don’t think he liked the radio. There is a lady singing. I haven’t ever heard it. Now some people are singing about 5,250,6500 bizillion 423,000 minutes. Ginger is singing along.

Clay is talking to himself. He is looking at “Apocalips.” He has blue hair, silver skin, a red and black suit, and black hip boots.

Ginger just squeezed my arm. Then Clay started tickling me. Then Ginger stuck her toes up the back of Clay’s seat and he squealed. Then Dad said “Don’t start that.”

Now we are listening to Phantom of the Opera. It is 1:33. Ginger is singing along again.

Dad turned down the volume.

Ginger is pulling on my seatbelt and trying to choke me.

Now we are listening to “Think of Me.” I bet Ginger will start singing to it. Yep, there she goes.


[Ginger was not in the car with us on this trip, for... whatever reason. I think Clay and I are still 15 and 10.]

We are on our way from Natural Bridge Caverns to Waco for Shane’s graduation. It is 2:27.

“Some nice houses over here,” says Dad pointing left.

Mom replies, “Nice one over here.”

Now she is looking at a map. It is 2:29.

“The part in the caves I liked most was the man carrying a baby. Every time she dropped the pacifier on the ground he’d pick it up and stick it in her mouth. About the 2nd time he did it I’d about croak,” says Mom.

Clay says, “Who? What? Who did that? What are you talking about?”

Mom fills him in.


[At this point, Dad has realized what I’m doing and decides to try and make himself look good.]

“Valerie is so wonderful and talented, isn’t she?” Dad says. “Gee Clay, I’m so proud of you.” He turns to Mom. “You sure look pretty today.”

Clay says to me, “Are you writing about our trip in the cave?”

I shake my head.

“Oh, you’re writing what we say!”

I nod.

“Oh wait, you’re not going to put that in, are you?”

“No,” I say.

He is trying to read over my shoulder.

“You’re unfair!” he says.

I smile.

“Mom, can I see Kleenex?” Clay says.

She holds up a tissue for him to see. “Do you want it?”

“Yes,” he says. “Can I have it?”

Mom hands it to him. He sticks it in his mouth. He shows the Kleenex to me. It is bright red. Nasty.

“When will we be there?” Clay asks.

“In time for dinner,” Dad answers.

Clay clunks his head on the back of his chair and covers his head with a pillow. I do not feel sorry for him. I hope he damaged his head.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Bucket List

I understand the reasoning behind titling your dream list with the word "bucket" - but I also have quite the aversion to it.  And no, it's not because it references dying, but because "bucket" is an ugly word.  I don't want to have to keep writing or saying that word when speaking of my innermost hopes and dreams.  So I've decided to title mine my Awaken list, as it's really much more poetic and inspiring.  It gives a nice little reminder to live wide awake rather than dulled by the media-consumed environment around me.

I love hearing when others achieve their goals and cross items off of their list.  It's challenging and, oftentimes, inspiring.  Watching as friends and family chase their dreams, take on the remarkable, and learn overwhelming truths has only fueled my own hopes.  The three years in Arizona have been abundantly full of opportunities that I've been able to cross off my list.  And I'm getting to cross more than just a few things off of my list, and realizing that those items might better be described as goals.

-Audition for local theatre post school.
-Cast in a musical.  (Can someone say "what in the world?"  Call me "Guenny".)
-Photography classes.
-Seminary classes.
-Tight knit small group.
-Speaker for a conference.
-Opportunities for writing.
-Recording vocals for a local artist's project.
-Run another 5K.  (10K next... slow and steady my friends, slow and steady.)
-Travel to Africa (this one is about half-way there... solidified within the next month!!)

All of these are great opportunities that have brought me a lot of joy, but I've started reframing my thinking from goals to dreams.  Goals are good.  They are a great way to remain motivated and forward thinking.  Goals keep me away from the TV and out accomplishing.  But dreams require more than just an errand or a little extra effort.  My dreams are the things I whisper in prayer, share carefully, and cultivate in the back of my mind.  In order to make my dream list, the item must require more than I have within me to achieve, they need a higher power to step in and intervene.  Dreams, at least for me, tend to motivate my everyday thinking and living.  They keep me living wide awake and looking for opportunity.

I would encourage you to think about your own list... be it bucket, goals, dreams, or awakenings.  Keep adding, keep the list handy, and dream bigger than what you could ask for or imagine.  The satisfaction of crossing off completed missions is enjoyable, but it's the process, the journey, that makes for the actual living.  Mt. Kilimanjaro... get ready to be owned.

Books that have fueled my own passions:
Wide Awake by Erwin McManus
Chasing Daylight by Erwin McManus
So I Married Adventure by Luci Swindoll
Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper
Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire by Jim Cymbala
In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson

"Whatever you have in mind, go ahead and do it, for the LORD is with you."  2 Samuel 7:3

Sunday, June 21, 2009

You Should See the Other Guy

So... I fell down the other day. Like. Bad. Long story short, this girl and I had some "words" and so I slapped her and then she kicked me and we started shoving each other and then she pushed me down some stairs and I landed on some concrete and slid a bit and now my knees and shins are jacked. Up. Quite painful really.*

Meet my new favorite person, Sarah Haskins! She is HI-LARIOUS. She hosts a series of three-ish minute long videos called “Target Women” about commercials and various things that supposedly appeal to women. She tackles everything from chick flicks to wedding shows to the ridiculous way cars are peddled to women. I’ve wasted enjoyed hours combing through her videos on YouTube, and I still haven’t seen them all! Check out her take on Disney Princesses below:

“Now here’s a tip: don’t date. If the love is true, it will just show up!”
(Note: Not ALL of Sarah's videos are completely clean, so...fair warning!)

If you're friends with me on Facebook, go check out my movie quote quiz! There's still three movies up for grabs, and they're a bit off the beaten path. Think you can figure them out?

11 days until I see Ginger in real life and not on webcam. 25 days until Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince comes out. And 108 days until I fly to Nashville to hang with the roommates (and Joey and Annie!) for Julie's wedding! Can't wait BUT AT ALL!

Saw "Up" again yesterday. Like "Wall-E," it was even better the second time around! And instead of tearing up this time, I had full on TEARS streaming down my face. Now I'm agonizing over my rankings of the ten Pixar movies. I think "Up" may have just edged out "The Incredibles," actually.... And because I know you were wondering, "Wall-E" is in first place, followed by "Monsters Inc.," "Finding Nemo," and then "Up." But I'm feeling so partial to "Up" right now! Maybe it will overtake "Nemo" as well....

I watched "Fanboys" this evening, which was pretty cool. Substitute Harry Potter for a lot of the Star Wars stuff and I could definitely relate. Question: Is it just me, or does Kristen Bell make everything she's in that much more awesome? Answer:

Yep. All awesome. All the time.

*OR I was carrying a couple of boxes and didn't see the very LARGE step down and fell ONTO the boxes I was carrying and slid across the concrete a bit. Shin and knees still quite jacked up though! Just not as exciting of a story....

Friday, June 19, 2009

Tasting and Seeing

I'm gushing this morning.  I just can't contain how high, how deep, how rich, how personal the Father's love is for me... for you... for us.  I feel like I took a deep breath and then swam the length of the pool twice and am now internally gasping.  I can't fit in any more air, but I know I need more.

Francis Chan in Crazy Love writes, If my mind is the size of a soda can and God is the size of all the oceans, it would be stupid for me to say He is only the small amount of water I can scoop into my little can.

Foolish indeed.

For my can is full and I am brimming not just from feeding on the Word, but brimming from the fragments of his light that seem to pour into my life through the presence of his people.  It's been everything this week.  It's in opportunities bigger and greater than I could imagine.  It's found in the kindness of strangers, and the love of friends.

I received the call from the theatre this week with at least ten co-workers leaning in to hear the results of my auditions.  (Holy moly was not expecting to end up with a role, much less a good one.)  My joy was overflowing simply because of their joy for me.  The woman on the phone could have told me that I didn't get cast and I would have still walked away from yesterday absolutely and delightfully in love with this, whatever this is.  I saw in that moment how God has skillfully and perfectly woven together my desire for community and his plan for fellowship.  It works when we desire good things, heck,  greatness for those around us, and we relinquish our needs and trust his design.

As I learn to check fear at the door I find that there is nothing, nothing that can keep us from realizing and seizing those works that he prepared in advance for us to do.  (Eph. 2:10)  That power, that freedom, that belief is energizing to every aspect of life.  As I drink my coffee and read a book, or speak to my grandmother on the phone, or sit in quietness as someone waits to hear about their mother in the hospital - there is seasoning to be found in it all.

Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

Here's another way to put it: You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.  (Matthew 5:13-16, The Message)

I can't even put in words all that is stirring within me, but I know that he has gifted you.  He has called and is calling to you.  Shine on church.  Let them taste and see.  Open up.  

I have tasted and I am satisfied.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Blog Friends: Greatest Hits

What’s interesting about blogging is the way you put yourself out there, spend time and energy on a post, and sit back and wait for someone to acknowledge that effort. Is this just me? I mean, surely we all want people to read what we’ve written, even if it’s just a top ten list or a random rehash of what happened in your day. And months, or years out…what then? Who is going to remember what you wrote on an average Wednesday two years ago? Well, tonight I set out to acknowledge YOU. Okay, some of you.

I’ve assembled a list of a few of my favorite bloggers, and then compiled a list of my most favoritest blogs of theirs. This was no easy task, as some of these names could easily have had seven or 12 or 46 separate entries listed beneath them that could all be considered favorites of mine. For brevity’s sake, and also for the sake of this is how I decided to do it, I’ve selected three blogs for each person. These are the missives that stuck in my mind, made me laugh, or made me star them in Google Reader because WOW THAT IS SOME GOOD BLOGGIN RIGHT THERE.

Please click the lovely links below—don’t they look so enticing? If you’ve been looking to break in to some new blogs, start here. I’ve done the initial scoping out work for you! And if you already read some of these blogs, but didn't start until recently so you've missed a few of these entries? Oh honey. Do yourself a favor and go back and read the ones I've highlighted below.

So seriously. I know you're busy, and it takes time to click on all these different links, but really. Everyone should read all of these blogs. You won’t regret it.

Massive hat tip to the below writers! You are all amazing, and it was like cutting off fingers to name only three favorites for each of you. Or like picking a favorite child. Both of those, really. Cutting off your child's fingers. Wait, what?

Without further adieu! The list:


Lost Spinoff
Class: A Running Commentary
Your Hand in Mine


K is for Kaleidoscope
Underwires: Overrated


On the Road Again
Epic Role Models


In which an unexpected reaction makes Dani's day


The Positive Propaganda Project
The Man in My Life
The Eternal Part


Just Talking
On Gilmore Girls
Remembering Stacy Loveheart


Plan B
Flying it Loud and Proud?

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Ups and Downs and Lefts.

Olivia walked up to me before the 11:00am service today and gave me a huge hug.  She's a cute little 4th grader.  I'm used to having the girls in my room run straight up to me and ask if they can stand on stage to do the motions during the worship set.  So, I turned to Olivia to seek out her motives.
Me:  "Olivia, are you hugging me because you want to dance?"
Olivia:  (Looking up with an appalled look on her face.)  "No!  I'm hugging you because you are pretty and awesome."
Me:  "Well then."

A guy on the bus to the parking lot at the airport asked me when I was getting married after I told him my friends were all getting married. I replied looking at my watch, “Any day now.”

Grandma Ann, at lunch yesterday said “Your soul mate’s out there.” 

Ok, but I still need to go to work tomorrow.

Review for “Must Love Dogs” (a.k.a. Must love sappy stories with weak plots)

“Must Love Dogs” was…insulting. Why would an intelligent woman (the character played by Diane Lane) put up with her family and respond the way she did? She made single women appear pathetic, moody, and just waiting for love – take that back. Doing anything she can for “love.” 

The ending was supposed to be romantic – both endings came across over the top and WAY too over dramatic. Why are they making out in front of the meat counter? It’s a good thing those two found each other so life could stop sucking so much.

Laying in my bed crying – not just because I feel a little alone, but because New Years is almost worse than Valentines Day.  How will I possibly meet someone out here? I just watched two guys go after Ugly Betty on TV. UGLY Betty.  Awesome.

My “Creative Writing” Class  (I use both creative and writing loosely.)

I don’t want to say anything bad about the creative writing class I’m taking through a local community college, however, I don’t have much that is good to say either. She asked us to write a haiku or cinquain or a response. I don’t really do poetry, so I went with the response to “Describe your proudest moment.” Yikes. I don’t even like the word proud. It makes me think of…well, pride. And to a certain extent, I like the idea of personal, civic, and school pride. But the character flaw of PRIDE seems to plague my life and so many of the lives around me. It makes discussing being proud of myself feel very…icky, for lack of a better word. So…here was my response, to which my teacher quipped “See! You can write creatively.”

I remember pulling up in my small car. Hot and miserable, I hadn’t expected November to be so warm and I didn’t want the good-bye to come this soon. As we pulled into the drop off lane my dad started in with a “Well…” but I quickly cut him off and popped the trunk and shot out of the front door. As I helped to gather my parent’s luggage I couldn’t help but wonder if home would ever be home again. We hugged tight and quick as Germans should, and I waved them off with a giant smile and blinked back the tears. Once back in the car I let the water works flow and the tension I held in my shoulders with them.

As the airport doors shut and I pulled back into the on-coming traffic, I couldn’t seem to stifle the grin. I was alone. This desert was my home. Filled with anticipation and trepidation I drove onto the highway and let myself feel…proud. Proud of the way I’d surprised even myself taking this step of faith. And because of one step, my greatest adventure had just begun.

From "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" by Lewis Carroll.

"Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope!  I think I could, if only I knew how to begin."  For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.

I’m frazzled – emotional – unsure of myself – not feeling like myself. So liking it here, but so wanting to go home.  What am I doing here?

What has happened to all your adventure?

"Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter." - Tim Kizziar

About to start my 25th year of being, I’m living alone in the desert, but I am slowly and surely finding the streams that run through it. God, in his mercy, has poured out his grace upon me. May I be a steward of all He has given me – may my knowledge of Him abound more and more as I love Him more each day.

Tears, tears. Always tears on my birthday. I only cried for five minutes this year. Much improved over the last few. I’m learning to start with realistic expectations.

Time is slipping by.  I read about 20-somethings changing the world and wonder about my own legacy.  Human nature tells me that to be known by the world is to be significant - but to be known by you, Father, is to be truly significant.  Why must I look to what I do not have and find unhappiness, rather than finding joy in the now and in what I do have?

From "The Organic God" by Margaret Feinberg,

I have this hunch that when God grants us a whim or a whiff of a desire to know him, we should take action - and fast - because those windows of opportunity may pass, and we may once again become satisfied with the smorgasbord of this world, rather than the world to come. 

Up up down down left right left right a b select start.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Looking for a job? Then you can have one and be famous!

Recently I was blessed with a sizable box of old school paper, art projects, art journals, and—guys. I’ve hit the mother load. I know you’ve been subjected to a lot of my journal entries, school reports, and the like, but this is good stuff. Check it:

First, judging from the handwriting, I’d say we have a memento from probably the 5th or 6th grade. I don’t know if it’s a lesson in writing definitions and examples or a history assignment about medieval times. In either case….

Did you get that, gentlemen? Make sure you always give ladies the right of way, even if you’ve been waiting “a long time.” Where said lady is passing I’m not quite sure, but this must be a good lesson in “ladies first.” You should probably be taking notes.

I drew this masterpiece when I was nine:
No, this is not a self-portrait. I'm pretty sure this is some version of what I wished to look like. I mean, seriously. What's not to love? Neon colors? Check. Dangly earrings? Check (Oh, wait look! Double pierced! Check check!). Braces like all the cool older kids had? Check! And- most importantly- curly hair. The heavens might as well open up now and annoint this girl the Most Slammin' Look Ever award. She's earned it.

Next, from circa 4th or 5th grade. We must have been studying ancient Egypt… I have no idea what the assignment was.

Carvers Needed!
Looking for a job? Then you can have one and be famous! We are carving a new thing called a sphinx. It is half lion and half man.
Hours: 6:00 A.M. to 7:00 P.M.
Age: 16-50 years
All days a week but Sunday
10 miles west of the Nile
Pay: 50 cents an hour
Call me @ 1800-950-Valerie
(How can you be famous? It will be big!)

Just 10 miles west! You know, of any point on THE NILE. Just start anywhere! Pretty easy to find. Other than that, I mean, this seems pretty fair to me. What? You will be paid and YOU WILL BE FAMOUS. Because hello. It will be big.

Now a gem from third grade. This is labeled a “Writing Activity.” But it also comes with the added bonus of a drawing!

I always laugh at the dinner table when my brother takes the ketchup and says, “Oh I love you ketchup!” He blinks his eyelashes in a romantic way. He loves ketchup and even puts it on his ham!

Oh, HAM! Lol... I have no idea what I am even talking about. Clay would have never done something like that. Plus, he would have been in preschool when I wrote this! Sorry, Clay….

We did an enormous poetry unit in the 5th grade, which culminated in a project that I see now is called "Valerie's Book of 24 Poems." Yes, I am creative. Check out some of my genius!


My life is like a box, covered in wrapping
My eyes are like microschopes
My teeth are steel.
My hair is soft.
My heart holds joy
That is blue as the sea.
I live in a pleasant house
And eat tasty food. Oh, and thanks for the pleasant house, Dad. That was aces.

Finally, I bring you the required horse drawing. You're just not a 5th grade girl without one!

I really have no idea why my parents did not encourage me to pursue a career in the arts. Baffling, isn't it?

Thursday, June 4, 2009



I baked chicken in the oven on Sunday.  I burnt my hand in the oven on Sunday.  I was so anticipating my lunch that I rather eagerly pulled up on the foil only to have my hands make contact with the roof of the oven.  Domestic fail.


Val and I talked on Skype for an hour last night and finished our conversation singing to Don’t Stop Believin’ by the cast of Glee.  Check it out on iTunes and you too can be a winner.


I auditioned for the first time in five years.  After the not-so-subtle encouragement of friends I made the appointment, printed head shots, pulled out the old sheet music and made my way to the theatre on Saturday.  I have a callback in two weeks.  Yet another story only made possible by getting out of the car.  Degree-in-use win.


Depends on whom you ask.  This is yours truly on the first day of 6th grade. Looking good.  Check out the same plaid in the shoes and shorts.  The shirt is what we will actually be talking about.

This is me today.  That’s right.  Same shirt.  Total win.  The unfortunate truth is that there has been a mighty hole in my blue shirt growing in size with every year.  I decided last night that the time had come to fix the problem at its source.  I pulled out my sewing kit while I was on the phone, so I did a bang up job.  In the opinion of one of my co-workers “it’s the worst sewing job ever.”  There’s still a little hole.  But at least it’s not being held together by two safety pins.  Win.


I’m flying home to Texas in one month and seeing most of my extended family over the 4th.  Big win. 


My gym only has three channels available for viewing:  CNN, ESPN, and NBC.  Depending on the time of evening and day of the week this has the potential to make or break my workout.  All week I’ve been there somewhere between 7:30pm and 9:00pm and found myself with the choice of softball playoffs, Larry King Live, and I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.  Culture FAIL.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Happiness and ShamWow!

JULIE IS ENGAGED!!!! I feel like I have probably used up the allotted number of exclamations and all caps sentences that one person should be allowed, but I can’t help it! Another House 9 girl is getting married! And I am so very elated. Her engagement story is absolutely amazing, and I am unbelievably happy for her and her FIANCEE. EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Also. When Joey and I talked about The Wedding, the conversation soon turned to this:

Joey: Will Annie Parsons be there!
me: haha i hope so!!!!!

It's true. FIVE exclamation points, Annie. We better see you there!

Okay so y’all. I have not stopped laughing at work for the past THREE days. As you know, mine is the only desk out in the middle of our marketing suite. The others around me all have offices that adjoin into that space. As of Monday though? I have a suite mate! Thank the good Lord for Will, who has come in for the summer like a ray of sunshine to brighten the entire office. See, I am an otter, meaning I love fun and spontaneity and laughter and also fun. In my area, I am surrounded by…not otters. But Will? Is the UBER otter; I swear he makes my inner otter look tame. He is all over the place cracking everybody up, and I absolutely love it. It doesn’t take much to get the two of us laughing, and we laugh loud, long, and often. So. Much. Fun.

Earlier today I was writing yet another news release type deal for work. I read it out loud to Will and my boss and a few sentences in I just had to turn it into a ShamWow commercial. I’ve now learned that when you start something like this with a question (“Do you want to blah blah blah?” “Are you looking for a way to yada yada yada?”), it is inevitable that you’ll end up sounding like an announcer for an infomercial. In the end, though, it made me laugh so much that I only tweaked it a bit more before sending it off to the internet to be posted as is. Now I’ll always be able to go to our company’s news items and find my ShamWow-style piece. Order now.