Tis the Season

We've hit 80 degrees in Phoenix, so by all accounts we've successfully welcomed fall. I still don't actually have any fall decorations, but I am doing everything I can to get my *Girl Scout "Martha Stewart" Badge.

Bloggie, meet Ben Starr's Carrot Pumpkin Cake. I wish I could tell you that I cooked this tower of goodness all by myself. Instead I will simply remain content in my role of sous chef to my husband's role of master chef in our house.

You can find the recipe for this super dreamy dish here.

We decided to tackle another one of our fall favorites by making homemade butternut squash ravioli in a brown butter sage sauce. It was calorie free AND amazing. Go figure.

I did make ONE fall purchase this year... too bad they won't last to see another season. For now they keep me from being the only autumn Grinch on the culdesac.

Watch out world, I started using a hot glue gun. Although I no longer have prints on two of my fingers, I am proud to say that I MADE something. I looked up several tutorials for making a cork wreath and then modified it for my level of skill and patience.

And no. We did not consume all of those bottles of wine! If you ask tasting rooms for extra corks most will happily oblige for free.

I felt guilty that all my decor was on the outside of our home... so I did the only thing I know to do. I lit a candle and made it smell like fall.

Baby steps, people. Baby steps.

(*I do not believe I can actually earn this badge... even though I am a card carrying lifetime member of the Girl Scouts. You betcha.)

So this one time...

I might have thrown my flip phone on the ground and snapped it in half the summer of 2009. Even though I couldn't see the screen or hear the other side of the conversation, I could still dial and make calls. I broke my phone around 9:00pm on a Saturday night. I was working at the church the next morning and planned to head straight to the Verizon store once I was off. It seemed like a great plan until...

Sometime around 6:15am on Sunday morning my alarm went off. I was tired and still half asleep when I tried to turn off the noise by hacking at my cell phone instead of my alarm clock. Apparently I hit the 2... and somehow made a call to speed dial #2 - my parents house.

Two minutes later the little bottom half of my phone started ringing. I was confused as to why someone would be calling me so early in the morning, so I answered. I had no way of telling who was on the other side or how much they could hear from my end of the conversation. I think it went a little something like this...

(ME SHOUTING)

Hi! This is Ginger but something happened to my phone and I can't hear you. I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING YOU SAY. So if you are talking, I can't hear anything you are saying to me. I don't know who this is. I don't have a way to figure that out. I guess if you have my e-mail address you can try and send me a message. If not... uh, sorry! That's all. Uh... bye."

I hung up and made some coffee and started up my computer. That's when the messages started coming...

From: Mom
To: Ginger
Date: Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 6:27am
Subject: can you get this?

WE are at home. I'm worried about you. Is it your phone that is having the problem or is it you?

From: Ginger
To: Mom
Date: Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 6:33am
Subject: Re: can you get this?

I threw my phone last night and the screen broke from the keys. Therefore I cannot read messages or hear anything other than the phone ringing. Beautiful, right? I can try and call you back as soon as I get to work. You can write me back here in the meantime. I'm here for the next hour.

From: Mom
To: Ginger
Date: Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 6:42am
Subject: Re: can you get this?
Dare I ask why you threw your phone??? My guess is that you are very much due for a new one. Dad's last phone cost us $0. You may need to stop on your way home from church. This doesn't sound good. We're going to Bible class and will leave here at 9:30 our time - 7:30 yours, which is probably when you'll be leaving. We can communicate like this until then. SO sorry. -m.

From: Ginger
To: Mom
Date: Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 6:59am
Subject: Re: can you get this?

I threw my phone after someone made a sarcastic comment. Stupid on my part. I can hear it ring or hear that it receives a text, but cannot see the screen or hear the person talking. Did I accidentally call you this morning? I couldn't figure out why someone would be calling me that early... unless it was an emergency. That's not the case, right?

From: Mom
To: Ginger
Date: Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 7:14am
Subject: Re: can you get this?

Yes, our home phone rang and I picked it up and saw it was you but you had hung up...then, I called you back on my cell...strange conversation...was wondering if you had been afflicted with instant deafness but knew things would be okay.. after all, Marlee Matlin has done pretty good as a deaf actress but though it might be a problem if you couldn't hear your musical accompaniment in 'Camelot'...I am relieved since I purchased our air tickets yesterday

I am sorry you inherited that gene from me...many a tool including weed eaters have been tossed by your father.

I only wish I coulda been there. -Dad

From: Ginger
To: Mom
Date: Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 7:21am
Subject: Re: can you get this?

HAH. Whew. I will try and call after work.

- - - - -
I TRIED to call after work, but had some problems.
1. Even though I paid for my own phone it was actually part of a family plan under my mom’s name. The store required my mom’s social security number in order for me to get a new phone.
2. I called home but my mom uses caller ID and didn’t recognize the store number. I hung up instead of leaving a message.
3. I could only remember one other phone number and my grandmother did not answer.
I drove to another Verizon store across town because let’s face it, it seems like there are different policies for each store. Again I was denied but given the option that I could bring in a phone and have my account transferred to it. I wasn’t up for a free new phone for a few months and frankly, I couldn’t afford one at the moment. Luckily a friend had offered up her husband’s reject phone that morning at work. I still had the option to drive to their house and pick up a phone. But I decided to check in at home first.

I didn’t have a land line so I hopped back on-line and tried to catch my sister on G-chat. Success.

Here was the set up: I had her on google video chat and she had my mom on the phone. She was our go-between. Only there was one small problem: her mic didn’t seem to be working… thus the typing.

Good news: I borrowed a phone for 3 months until my contract was up and then finally got my “new every two.” I still have that same phone phone. THIS PHONE with the sliding keyboard. I’m up for a new one this month.

Yes, please.

Living

Having a four day "staycation" was a fabulous way to break up the past months of travel and work. Between the two of us, it's rare to find a day when at least one of us isn't working. We watched movies (I FINALLY saw "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"), pretended to be chefs, played racquetball and finished up some projects that had been on our list for months. Below is a random sampling of said "staycation."

So three cheers for COLOR in our room. It's just a start, but it's one of the first pieces of printed fabrics that we have BOTH agreed on. He always wants stripes. I always want something less masculine. He asked for no flowers, so I simply pressed for plant life. This is our mighty compromise. :)

The ancestor photos are slowly being printed and framed. We are so blessed to have so many amazing examples of faithfulness and love in marriage.

A Ciminello weekend wouldn't have been complete without lots of eating and lots of cooking. We even went so far as to go to a sausage factory to pick out and purchase some meats for the weekend. Seriously. On the menu for the weekend: brisket, pizza, short ribs, spaghetti sauce, colossal breakfast creations... you get the idea.

What's that on the plate? I'm so glad you asked. Braised short ribs, cheese grits, and a cherry glaze. I don't know if these pictures will do this meal justice. I want to eat it every day. I want to go to there.

More than anything, I think I'm just enjoying living in the now. I'm not worried about next year. I'm not even making plans for November yet- a rarity for me! I'm learning about living and loving right here... right now. I hope you are too. :)

p.s. Making plans with the neighbors again. Praying they accept our invitation and that we continue building relationships right here... right now.

It's JUST a car.

Dear Hyundai Elantra,

I'm not usually like this with things. In fact, I wrote this post on my awesome XANGA (bet you haven't heard that term in a while!) page in August of 2006.

I murdered my plant last week. This guy held on for so long. I bought him last year about this time on a trip to the giant Ikea in Frisco. There were two of them then. The one in the white vase passed earlier this spring. I hadn't realized how much I enjoyed their green presence until I returned to find the last one browning on Friday. I was off soaking it up in Florida while he died in my hot apartment.

Good thing I am not nostalgic and do not name things like my plant, car, or house. There is nothing quite as ridiculous as someone leaning into the steering wheel and saying "Come on Talulah,or Tiger, or Jamie." It's steel on wheels. Let it go.

I have to be this way to make the passing of the plant easier. I cry at Hallmark commercials and movie previews, therefore I cannot "overly-feel" my own life. Maybe it's my German heritage (not a scapegoat for everything, I promise), or maybe I am the world's only romantic-realist. Can you be both? Guess so...

And yet, last night I couldn't help but ask for a photo with said steering wheel before we pulled away from the car dealership. I don't even think I felt this much emotion leaving my apartment on the day after graduation. It's just that this car has been with me through SO much.

This little box on wheels carried me from Texas to Arizona in November of 2006. It saw me drop my parents off at the airport and then crumple to tears as I pulled out into an unknown city. This silver chariot has carted me to work,girl's night, parties, dates, showers, rehearsals, concerts, sporting events, weddings and funerals. It knows what songs I sing at the top of my lungs and how I don't really know the words to those songs.

It's been through a two accidents, several video shoots, and two replaced windshields.

This car has seen my entire love story with my husband. I leaned against it as I waved good-bye each night and drove 50 miles across town. It's been privy to conversations with everyone important in my life on just about every topic. This automobile has seen me at my worst and best.

The replacement arrives after work today. This new one is to be my car for the next chunk of life. I think we're both in for a wild ride.

Although I never named it, I'm still going to miss it. I'm still going to miss her. That's all.

Missing Gene

I'm drape deficient. I don't have any hanging in my house and I just can't seem to get excited to start. We were lucky to get paint on the walls. But after cleaning the blinds and surveying the situation, we've both decided it's time to get something over the windows. We have dark blinds that keep out the morning sun, but they aren't very pretty. (If you speak drapery, please put on your creative thinking and dreaming for the following.)

The challenges:

Three windows

Green walls, white bedding

The accent color we are considering is khaki/tan/burlap

I am under guidelines to stay away from floral

So please... I know that this is speaking to somewhere out there. Hunt for some photos, post some links, make some suggestions, and help a girl out! (P.S. Although I know how to sew I do not have a sewing machine.) Thanks and all that jazz.

Growing Up.

I've written this entry four or five times. I keep hitting delete. Delete, delete, delete. I've copied and pasted quotes from Lewis, Manning, L'Engle, Foster, and Spurgeon. My attempts have come to nothing.

I'm trying one more time.

When I grow up I want to write and speak and teach. When I grow up I want to teach young people to discover who they were made to be. When I grow up I want to challenge a generation to respect their bodies, embrace their dreams, and treasure the Word of God.

I'm ready to grow up.

I am humbly asking you, blog readers from Arizona to Senegal (and everywhere in between), if you will support my newest venture.

www.gingerciminello.com

Three ways you can help:

1. Share this site with anyone you know who might be interested in hiring a speaker for retreats, banquets, seminars, assemblies, and conferences. I have experience addressing children, jr. high, sr. high, college groups, and women. My comfort zone is teaching young women about finding contentment from their Creator.

2. Share this site with young women. The "Blog" and "Ask Ginger" sections are specifically designed to create a community of discussion for girls from 6th-12th grade.

3. "Like" the page on Facebook or follow me on Twitter - @gingercim).

I would love for you, blog readers, to be a part of this journey. It would be an honor for me if YOU would check out the site for yourself! Read the blog - I will be updating regularly and would love to have you jump in on the dialogue. While you're there, check out the audio and video files and hit me up with feedback or suggestions.

I will continue to be writing here with Val - but am also incredibly excited for this new venture.

Thank you for reading and thank you for following.

Special thanks to Valerie, Jon, Megan, Renea, Lauren and Carey for their help with the site and social media accounts. This would not be happening today without you.

A super special shout out to Carrie Fay Photography for all of the images you find on the site. She is an amazing photographer and a wonderful friend.

Lastly - thank you to my parents and my husband, David, who have all pushed me to do more and be more... all for our Heavenly Father.

Here goes everything.

“Remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” - J.R. Tolkien

Totally and Completely Awesome

If success = being completely awesome... then check out some of my birthday winnings from last month.

Yes, that's right... I finally received that sister I always wanted. Turning 29 = success.

P.S. Question: Best birthday gift you've EVER received?

P.P. S. Exciting post coming this week. D and I spent the weekend across the border working with a medical clinic. We returned exhausted and filled up. Totally different kind of success.

Away Game

I'm hitting the road TODAY and am I'm bound for Austin, Texas. Although I wish I was able to see some fabulous friends on this trip, but this time I'm flying in and out for business. FOR BUSINESS. Because I'm an adult and all that jazz. That's craziness, my friends. Crazy good.

Without my searching, publicizing, or advertising I have found myself as speaker for a weekend winter retreat. This opportunity to speak into the lives of young women (my most favorite thing) just fell into my lap. (Thanks Big Papa!)

I've spent the past month preparing and being thankful, but I will also admit that I have allowed myself to doubt this endeavor. I wonder if I'm ready to go alone, to speak to a group of teens I have never met. I also question if I'm really ready to actually DO rather than just dream. I told D my fears last night.

His response: "That makes sense. It's your first away game... But I know you. You're going to be great on the road."

Hey batter, batter...

"Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel." Ephesians 6:19

Same difference

I resolved in my last post to make more cake... among other things. So I made a coffee cake. I thought that I might be able to bribe neighbors into more readily coming to their doors IF I had sugar in hand. Turns out - we've already moved past cake.

I handed out cookies to nine houses on my street prior to Christmas. The response was favorable (even if still a little awkward.) In return we received brownie bites, homemade salsa, and an invitation from THREE houses to have dinner in the future. I assumed those invitations might never come to fruition and I would continue to walk the empty ghost-town street that I'm trying to love.

But just when I thought our culdesac was destined to remain quiet, the neighbor directly across from me finally surfaced. She not only stuck her head out of her garage and waved, but she walked up to me, shook my hand and thanked me for the cookies from Christmas. L and her family moved to Arizona from China just three years ago. It gets better. Then, on Friday, as I was walking back from checking the mail I saw the neighbor from across the street. A is super friendly. She and her husband moved here from India a decade ago. We were talking about actually getting together soon when my next door neighbor, L, came out and chatted with us on the street. She's mom to two of the cutest looking little girls I have ever seen in my life. They usually have crowns or tutus on when I catch a glimpse.

All that to say: L, A and I are going to dinner on Monday. Yes and yes.

Making cake/cookies = almost as good as making friends. Almost.

Ur...

This is it. My last night in my own place. I keep expecting to have really strong emotions - but they aren't coming. I feel tired. I took off from work both today and tomorrow so that I would have time to pack and clean prior to heading into the weekend. I'm working both Saturday and Sunday.

In an effort to process what this evening actually means - I pulled out my journal from the summer/fall of 2006. The pages covering July through September told me this:

1) I had decided it was possibly time to leave the place I had been living/working since graduating from college.

2) I applied for an awesome job in Dallas and then turned it down even before they offered it to me.

3) I started to wonder what the future could possibly hold. (If you had offered me $1,000 to guess which state I would be moving to in a matter of months I'm close to 100% sure I would not have said Arizona.)

4) I was going through Beth Moore's Patriarch study and finding myself identifying with Abram.

5) September 5th I found the job where I currently work and sent my resume. I had never, ever considered living in Arizona prior to that moment. Even then... I didn't really think I would do it.

Here's what I wrote four years ago this week:

__________

8/23/06

As I think about where my road may be leading me, I am reminded specifically of Abram. The Lord called him to leave it all and come into the desert. I examine my own comfortable suburban life and wonder if I am willing to leave. Will I really pack it up as eagerly as I make it seem? I think I am ready. Good-bye Ur, hello desert. The desert is hot and flat and I have no idea where we are going. But I'm excited because my story is not the same as Abram's. We are not going to Canaan... but God's promise to finish his work in his people applies just as much to me as it does to Abram.

P.S. Don't miss out on the journey by being so caught up on the final destination. This may be your only time on a camel - so open your eyes to the story. Allow His story to saturate your story and you will end up in the most dangerous place possible... His will.

_______

I had no idea when I wrote that how quickly I would have to live those words. I am so thankful for this time of independence... this time of dependence. My emotion tonight is landing right where I started. "I think I am ready... but hey... don't be so caught up in the destination 51 days from now that you forget to enjoy this journey!"

If you can't say anything nice...

I was all set to use this post to whine and complain about today. It definitely had it's ups, but the downs were the kind (when mixed with being stressed, and warm, and feeling gross, and like I have the skin of a teenager) that produced near breakdowns throughout the day. I was close to cursing, crying, and wanting to be ridiculous and drive 47 miles across town at 9:00pm just to get a hug before driving back. That kind of day. Nothing was really that awful, all will be well in the morning.

So instead, I decided to say only wonderful things.

10. I am flying to Houston on Friday. Yes, it's Houston in August... but I get to see these people:

9. I finished reading the book of Joshua today. I feel very strong and courageous... and like I know a lot about Jewish land inheritance.

8. My wonderful cousin Shannon is throwing me a shower on Saturday!

7. My soon-to-be in-laws are taking me to the airport at 6am on Friday morning. They are lovely people.

6. I purchased the Matt Maher album and I have been playing it continuously. Lots of theology to chew through in his lyrics.

5. We are reading "Mere Christianity" and "Sacred Marriage." It's a nice combo.

4. My fiance made pesto stuffed fillets on Sunday... and peach pie. I loved him a lot before this... (Yes, the pie does say "D loves G.")

3. The car battery that had to be replaced after several hours of impatience... fell under warranty and was put in for free.

2. I spent 5 hours with teenagers this evening playing laser tag and hanging out. I connected with some students... and then I beat them... in laser tag. I placed 2nd in the first game.

1. "Thou hast led me on and I have found thy promises true,

I have been sorrowful, but thou hast been my help,

fearful, but thou hast delivered me,

despairing, but thou hast lifted me up.

Thy vows are ever upon me,

And I praise thee, O God."

From "God Enjoyed" in the The Valley of Vision: Puritan Prayers

Four Years Later

About a month after graduating from college, I accepted my first GROWN-UP job out of college and got ready to move to Tyler.

Today is the four year anniversary of making that decision, and I praise the Lord that I am still here!

I’ve now lived in Tyler longer than I have lived anywhere since we moved away from my childhood home when I was 15. (BAM. Milestoned.)

My first job here was through a temp agency, but I upgraded significantly after that, though it was to a position I cared nothing for because: I worked with sports. (Yes! ME! Sports. SPORTS.)

I hung up my… sport belt after a year of the…sports, and after a short stint working at a book store, I was in the dreaded “in between” phase. Where to go? What to do? For a time it looked like I would be moving back to Houston, but it never felt right to me. I didn’t want to leave Tyler. How glad am I now that I stuck it out and stayed here?

(Answer: very.)

During my first year-ish in Tyler, I had virtually no community to speak of, a fact that is now completely and wildly reversed, amazingly enough. (Look, Mom! FRIENDS! They let me talk to them in public and everything!!!)

So let's review.

Then: Sports (?) job, two friends if you count my grandparents.
Now: Awesome internet job with a Christian organization, more than two friends. Like, three or four even. (OKAY, more than that.)
Jesus: Always knows what He's doing.

I’m so glad I stayed.

Sky Falls Down

Today. Has been quite a day.

First of all: it's been raining for approximately forever.

Then.

A tree fell on my grandparent's house. Thankfully they were out of town so no one was hurt. But I drove over in the rain to see the damage.

The first thing I saw when I drove up was this:

Oh, hello giant tree and mud and roots! You look awesome!

All you can see from the street is this:

Now their porch looks like this.

Then.

I headed in to work. Or at least TRIED to get to work.

Here is what one road looks like now:

Fun, right?

And here is work:

Awesome.

Needless to say, things were a little crazy at work- nothing like some inclement weather (to say the least) to keep you on your toes!

Luckily the day ended with sunshine and Sporcle.

(Which really is almost as good as a rainbow.)

Like

I'm turning into my dad.

-I made my sandwich and prepared the coffee pot Thursday evening before I went to bed.

-I went running at 6:00am on Friday morning.

-I then proceeded to get ready for work while listening to Mozart.

-I listened to NPR on the way to work.

-I drank coffee on the way to work.

-I worked a half day on Friday.

-I rolled my eyes when the DJ company suggested slow jazz for background music during my reception.

-I can't just watch t.v.- I have to be doing SOMETHING.

Don't even let me get started with mom...

Typical

I trip. I spill things. I break things. I do it all on a daily basis. I used to think I was coordinated and perhaps even graceful. When I was a freshman theatre major I started taking dance classes again. I called my mom and asked her why they hadn’t continued my dancing career as a child. Her response? “You weren’t very good.” (I’m sure she is going to comment and say this isn’t the case… and I suppose I could be exaggerating.) I’ve come to grips with my clumsiness. Thankfully those nearest and dearest have too. As I dumped a plateful of rice on the floor two weeks ago, David was quick to surmise, “It’s a good thing you’re cute.”

So I apparently grabbed hold of that bit of encouragement and ran with it.

I took Sunday off from work so that I could visit David’s church for the first time. We had a great morning, went hiking in the mountains that afternoon and then returned to get ready for a nice dinner. I felt a little rushed as I did not want to be the one to make us late for dinner reservations.

While rushing the application of your shampoo is one thing... rushing with a new razor is ridiculously risky. I nicked my ankle and didn’t think much of it until I looked down and saw the blood. I decided to keep getting ready and just folded a piece of toilet paper over the wound. After all, that’s what men do, right? I obviously forgot about my ankle in the process, because post hair and make-up I proceeded to suit up – heels, hose, and dress. We left right on time and I was feeling pretty proud of myself until I gazed down at my ankle. The huge clump of toilet paper was mocking me from behind my tan hose. David offered to turn the car around, but I assured him I could make it work. I maneuvered the toilet paper down so that it was in my shoe. Problem solved.

Not so fast, Sydney Bristow.

What I didn't realize was that the moment I removed the toilet paper the cut started to bleed again. I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right. I snagged a piece of Kleenex out of my purse and held it on my ankle for a moment and then checked the damage. The amount of blood running down my foot was incredible for the size of the wound. I laughed sheepishly as David’s eyes widened. His immediate response, “Apply hard pressure for five minutes, now.” I obeyed.

Here's the situation: date in suit and tie, myself clad in a dress and heals, positive and encouraging K-Love calming the situation as we drive down the freeway towards a very nice dinner reservation and I cling to my ankle.

It's four minutes into applying pressure and my hand is starting to ache. “Well,” I boast, “At least I’ve gotten my most embarrassing moment with you out of the way. Heh-heh. Good thing I’m cute, right?”

“Most embarrassing? How about your baby crying noise? Do we really think that was second date material?”

Good news: the bleeding stopped, dinner was amazing, and he seems to like the fact that I’m ridiculous. Yesss.

One giant leap.

Today I ran.

Today I ran for one hour and one minute. That's the longest stretch of time I've ever run.

Today I ran 6 miles without stopping. That's the longest distance that I've ever run. Ever.

This Saturday I will run my first 10k race. I started the year intending to run a 1/2 marathon this spring. I began running in October, by myself, and without any sort of a training program. I trained while listening to "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" and "This American Life" podcasts. My pace was all over the place. I was plagued by knee pain and lack of motivation, but I stuck with it... at least enough to sign up for a 10k.

Today, I traded the podcasts for a new iTunes playlist. It was great. It kept me focused and on target time wise. I'm planning on running the race with music. The only problem is that I have song A.D.D. I stuck it out to the end today, but I'm nervous for Saturday. I need new songs. I have running fever and the only cure is good music.

Help. I need 18 new songs for Saturday. What do you recommend?

I would like to give you Meningitis.

Thanks mom!

As I mentioned, my folks are coming out for the opening of "Camelot" and I can't wait. Val is being so kind to come the second week, and that amount of visitors in 2 weeks is much more exciting than stressful. Anyone else want to come? I have 2 air mattresses.

I'm in the last stages of finalizing a trip this fall that would require more than just a few shots. Who's ready for some yellow fever and cholera? I know I am. Mom has been gracious enough to help with the cost of the meningitis shot, as Val and Clay both received there's in high school. Back in the 90's we apparently didn't have to fear the big M.

More details on the trip when it all comes together. Needless to say, I’m trying to hold it with hands out and open… not wanting to count those eggs before they hatch.

Rehearsal last night was great. I got to stand and be burned at the stake and watch about 10 guys die so that I could be rescued. Not a bad gig, eh? Tonight we have another dance rehearsal. Maybe I should try and sneak in a camera - then we could all laugh together. That would be swell.

Anyways - all this to get back to meningitis. I'm looking forward to it. It represents timing and waiting. Waiting on the Lord for his perfect, most perfect timing. I was reminded of this when reading about Jordan's own God moments this week. As she beautifully described them, "These moments happen every day – big or small. It’s when God intervenes in your life just enough so that you recognize what He’s up to. At some point, you have to let go and let God (as cliché as that phrase is). He isn’t going to explain the technicalities of what’s He is doing in these moments; He just asks us to trust Him and go along."

It's the following when you can't see what's next that seems to be the most challenging - agreed? As Abraham took Isaac up Mt. Moriah to sacrifice him to the Lord, he did not know when the lamb would show up, he simply trusted that the Lord would provide – and He did. Our provider, Jehova Jireh, sees exactly what we need and when. As Abraham and Isaac made the journey, He knew when to start the ram up the other side. How often do I find myself frustrated at the events in my life, not realizing that the ram is just over the hill?

“Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.” Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided.” (Genesis 22:12-14)

Just a year ago I was planning on moving to Uganda. I stepped out of the boat believing. I put my belongings in storage and expectantly faced the month of July.

7/2/2008 - The NO letter was sent Monday. I read it on Tuesday after a sleepless night. All of my things were finally in storage. I feel… foolish, lost, unfettered. I feel as though my dreams have stepped away from me. What now? I’m a blank slate. I am a lonely blank slate.

7/8/2009 - Thank you for your perfect timing.

The ram is just around the corner. He provides. Exactly what we need. When we need it. Trust that when He calls us to sacrifice the result of both ends and means is a deeper intimacy with Him –the Author and Perfecter.

WIN/FAIL

FAIL.

I baked chicken in the oven on Sunday.  I burnt my hand in the oven on Sunday.  I was so anticipating my lunch that I rather eagerly pulled up on the foil only to have my hands make contact with the roof of the oven.  Domestic fail.

WIN.

Val and I talked on Skype for an hour last night and finished our conversation singing to Don’t Stop Believin’ by the cast of Glee.  Check it out on iTunes and you too can be a winner.

WIN.

I auditioned for the first time in five years.  After the not-so-subtle encouragement of friends I made the appointment, printed head shots, pulled out the old sheet music and made my way to the theatre on Saturday.  I have a callback in two weeks.  Yet another story only made possible by getting out of the car.  Degree-in-use win.

FAIL/WIN.

Depends on whom you ask.  This is yours truly on the first day of 6^th grade. Looking good.  Check out the same plaid in the shoes and shorts.  The shirt is what we will actually be talking about.

This is me today.  That’s right.  Same shirt.  Total win.  The unfortunate truth is that there has been a mighty hole in my blue shirt growing in size with every year.  I decided last night that the time had come to fix the problem at its source.  I pulled out my sewing kit while I was on the phone, so I did a bang up job.  In the opinion of one of my co-workers “it’s the worst sewing job ever.”  There’s still a little hole.  But at least it’s not being held together by two safety pins.  Win.

WIN.

I’m flying home to Texas in one month and seeing most of my extended family over the 4^th.  Big win. 

FAIL.

My gym only has three channels available for viewing:  CNN, ESPN, and NBC.  Depending on the time of evening and day of the week this has the potential to make or break my workout.  All week I’ve been there somewhere between 7:30pm and 9:00pm and found myself with the choice of softball playoffs, Larry King Live, and I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here.  Culture FAIL.

E is for Expectation

I hated Great Expectations.  I just needed to say that before I get going.

  

A wise friend is always quick to remind me that when expectations and reality don't meet up, all that's left is disappointment.

And it's amazing how much truth is found in that simple statement.  My happiness on any given day can greatly be affected by the expectations I set out for that day.  And birthdays are the worst.  I cannot tell you how many birthdays go down as some of the least favorite days of my entire life.

When my 27th birthday came around in January it began with a text from my newly tech savvy mother and a call from my punctual father.  I had prepared myself the previous night for lowered expectations in general.  No one wants to enter the day hoping for a surprise party and end up crying in a bathtub at 11:00pm listening to Josh Groban.  (Not this year, but this did happen.)

So here's my dilemma.  Lowering expectations can allow for pleasant surprises, but it can also deplete the ability to dream or even hope for great things.  I'm starting to wonder if all expectations derive from selfish motivations or if I need to look at the entire idea in a different light.  Rather than allowing my mood to be dictated by the hoped-for actions of others, I must ground my hope in something more stable than the human condition.  I cannot demand that the entire world read my mind and behave in the manner I deem acceptable.  That's just not going to work.  

My mantra for the year is on loan from my dear friend Becca.  I'm 27 and acting like I'm 11.  Sounds fair enough to me.  I feel as though I am both 27 and 11 at the exact same moment... wanting to be treated as an adult while at the same time riding around on the back of shopping carts through the grocery store.

As my favorite Anne with an e says:  "There’s such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I’m such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be half so interesting.”(Lucy Maud Montgomery)

I do not have multiple Annes in me... as that would be a real cause for concern.  But I do posses so many different hopes, dreams, and desires that are all angling to become priorities in the world.  My prayer is to live year 27 with hands open and expectations high.  I want to live trusting the one who will make good on his promises.  This was a giant mess of a post, but all I really know is that I am clinging to Psalm 62:5,  My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."  Ephesians 3:16-22