Saturday, June 13, 2009

Ups and Downs and Lefts.

Olivia walked up to me before the 11:00am service today and gave me a huge hug.  She's a cute little 4th grader.  I'm used to having the girls in my room run straight up to me and ask if they can stand on stage to do the motions during the worship set.  So, I turned to Olivia to seek out her motives.
Me:  "Olivia, are you hugging me because you want to dance?"
Olivia:  (Looking up with an appalled look on her face.)  "No!  I'm hugging you because you are pretty and awesome."
Me:  "Well then."

A guy on the bus to the parking lot at the airport asked me when I was getting married after I told him my friends were all getting married. I replied looking at my watch, “Any day now.”

Grandma Ann, at lunch yesterday said “Your soul mate’s out there.” 

Ok, but I still need to go to work tomorrow.

Review for “Must Love Dogs” (a.k.a. Must love sappy stories with weak plots)

“Must Love Dogs” was…insulting. Why would an intelligent woman (the character played by Diane Lane) put up with her family and respond the way she did? She made single women appear pathetic, moody, and just waiting for love – take that back. Doing anything she can for “love.” 

The ending was supposed to be romantic – both endings came across over the top and WAY too over dramatic. Why are they making out in front of the meat counter? It’s a good thing those two found each other so life could stop sucking so much.

Laying in my bed crying – not just because I feel a little alone, but because New Years is almost worse than Valentines Day.  How will I possibly meet someone out here? I just watched two guys go after Ugly Betty on TV. UGLY Betty.  Awesome.

My “Creative Writing” Class  (I use both creative and writing loosely.)

I don’t want to say anything bad about the creative writing class I’m taking through a local community college, however, I don’t have much that is good to say either. She asked us to write a haiku or cinquain or a response. I don’t really do poetry, so I went with the response to “Describe your proudest moment.” Yikes. I don’t even like the word proud. It makes me think of…well, pride. And to a certain extent, I like the idea of personal, civic, and school pride. But the character flaw of PRIDE seems to plague my life and so many of the lives around me. It makes discussing being proud of myself feel very…icky, for lack of a better word. So…here was my response, to which my teacher quipped “See! You can write creatively.”

I remember pulling up in my small car. Hot and miserable, I hadn’t expected November to be so warm and I didn’t want the good-bye to come this soon. As we pulled into the drop off lane my dad started in with a “Well…” but I quickly cut him off and popped the trunk and shot out of the front door. As I helped to gather my parent’s luggage I couldn’t help but wonder if home would ever be home again. We hugged tight and quick as Germans should, and I waved them off with a giant smile and blinked back the tears. Once back in the car I let the water works flow and the tension I held in my shoulders with them.

As the airport doors shut and I pulled back into the on-coming traffic, I couldn’t seem to stifle the grin. I was alone. This desert was my home. Filled with anticipation and trepidation I drove onto the highway and let myself feel…proud. Proud of the way I’d surprised even myself taking this step of faith. And because of one step, my greatest adventure had just begun.

From "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" by Lewis Carroll.

"Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope!  I think I could, if only I knew how to begin."  For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.

I’m frazzled – emotional – unsure of myself – not feeling like myself. So liking it here, but so wanting to go home.  What am I doing here?

What has happened to all your adventure?

"Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don't really matter." - Tim Kizziar

About to start my 25th year of being, I’m living alone in the desert, but I am slowly and surely finding the streams that run through it. God, in his mercy, has poured out his grace upon me. May I be a steward of all He has given me – may my knowledge of Him abound more and more as I love Him more each day.

Tears, tears. Always tears on my birthday. I only cried for five minutes this year. Much improved over the last few. I’m learning to start with realistic expectations.

Time is slipping by.  I read about 20-somethings changing the world and wonder about my own legacy.  Human nature tells me that to be known by the world is to be significant - but to be known by you, Father, is to be truly significant.  Why must I look to what I do not have and find unhappiness, rather than finding joy in the now and in what I do have?

From "The Organic God" by Margaret Feinberg,

I have this hunch that when God grants us a whim or a whiff of a desire to know him, we should take action - and fast - because those windows of opportunity may pass, and we may once again become satisfied with the smorgasbord of this world, rather than the world to come. 

Up up down down left right left right a b select start.


Stevox said...

Infinite lives or frustrated senior counselor?

Ginger said...

Infinite lives. Sheesh.

renea mac said...

This reminds me when we stayed up late one night reading excerpts of our journals to one another. Remember that?

If I read you bits of my journal today, it would sound a lot like this blog post.

Love you, friend.

Greta said...

I really like this!