Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Child in the hood.

And by hood I mean suburbia. I was recently taken down memory lane after discovering a disturbing article from EW. One of my childhood friends, Samantha Parkington, of American Girls fame is being murdered. The brand has just announce that they will be discontinuing all of their products related to Samantha.

For the uninitiated, American Girls is a mega book series that has caused thousands of young women across the world to desire an $80 doll. I began reading the books in first grade and fell in love with the likes of Samantha, Molly, Kirsten, Addy, and Felicity. Well, not really Molly. She was the ugly one. Set in a different time periods and full of colorful photos, these were great first reader books.

Samantha was my absolute favorite. Her clothes, the 1900’s, her fight to end child labor, it was as if someone had written these books just for me. So when the first catalogue came out announcing the dolls for purchase, I just about fainted from expectancy. I received my very own Samantha doll for my 8th birthday. (You know, now that I think about it - I'm pretty sure my parents made me pay $40 towards my doll. Ma and Pa were always teaching us to be responsible with money.)

Since receiving (or buying) Samantha, I’ve learned many important lessons.

1. When your mother offers to sew Samantha a dress instead of purchasing a $45 doll dress, accept the gift graciously. Even if you come home after school and discover that she has used a different pattern and fabric than agreed upon, just smile and hug your doll. Do not look your mother in the eye after she has been sewing for six hours and say, “This isn’t what I picked out.” You deserve all the screaming you have brought upon yourself.

2. Samantha’s lovely brown hair will not curl with a curling iron.

3. If you melt Samantha’s hair with a curling iron, cutting the hair will not help her to look better.

4. If you cut Samantha’s hair and enjoy doing so, do not cut the hair of your sister’s doll for fun, even if you think she looks way better.

5. Do not proceed to cut the hair off of almost every single Barbie that you and your sister own. It is not real hair. Plastic doesn’t take kindly to your scissors.

6. Even if you wish your Barbies looked different from each other, coloring their hair with a black magic marker is not the way to solve the problem. You will probably miss around the scalp and end up putting black dots on her face.

7. Don’t pay $80 for a doll.

Au revoir, dearest Samantha. I'll miss you and your orphanage escapes, near fatal boating accidents, and birthday shenanigans.


MrsWissmann said...

My parents would not buy us a Ken for our Barbie.

So we resorted to chopping off their golden locks into an ugly man spike.

We were proud of ourselves, until we got spanked for ruining Barbie.

So we took it out on Barbie by pulling off their heads...We hid the evidence to avoid more spanking.

Stupid Barbie.

Annie Parsons said...


Okay. I owned Molly (i.e. "the ugly one" - thanks a lot). But my reasoning in choosing her was the fact that she was so VERSATILE (i.e. you could take off her glasses, and ZAP: you have Samantha). Although... something I learned... never unbraid her hair. It will never get back to its original condition, no matter how carefully you try to braid it.

dc said...

I loved Samantha too! (Although I insisted on calling her "Sam", always tomboys for me...)

I am overwhelmed with grief.

Valerie said...

My favorite was that time when you came to me grinning and hiding something behind your back and said, "Don't be mad!!" Oh, will you look at that. It's MY Barbie who formerly had long blonde beautiful hair. She is now sporting a short BLACK bob that looks like gross. AWESOME.

Katie said...

Samantha is my favorite, too. I'll miss her. :(

Anonymous said...

FYI - you did NOT pay for half of the doll. But that is probably why I couldn't afford the cute pattern and fabric for the additional clothes.... :)

Lydia said...

I had Samantha, too. And Kirsten. Samantha always had the hot boyfriends.