Sunday, October 12, 2008

Don't even talk to me about that NEBRASKA

Hummingbird thermometers, youth group presidents, and a secret loathing of Nebraska. If any of these sound intriguing, join me for another peek at a couple of old "stories" of mine as well as a special bonus feature!

Story #1 (7th grade? 8th?)

I was going to hate it. I just knew I wouldn't make any new friends at all. They would all think I was a snob. I just knew it. It was easy to think I was, but really I wasn't. If you had just met me, though, you'd think I was. A snob, I mean. Let me tell you why:
My name is Charlotte Amanda Jones. I have soft blue eyes and curly blonde hair.

Perhaps this is what Past Valerie wished she looked like?

At school I'm the captain of my basketball team, head cheerleader, captain of the drill team, class president, editor of the school newspaper, I play the percussion in band, I rank #1 in class, I'm president of my youth group at church,


and I my boyfriend is the quarterback of the football team. My father is a reporter for the most watched TV channel [Of course.] and my mother is a psychyatrist. I live in a, well, a mansion and a limosene. [She lives in a limo?] My much older sister is a fashion designer. I am a sophomore at Sunnyside Christian Academy in California.

I just want to slap this girl, I really do. Fortunately the "story" ends there. I think Miss Perfect was going to move to another state not quite as glamorous as California and learn to make new friends or something. Hopefully there would also be an incident involving a new friend's fist. But probably not.

Story #2 (Again, probably either 7th or 8th)

It was a warm day, and I am really stretching it to simply call it “warm.” It was so incredibly hot and humid that staying inside was the only real solution for such a day as this was. [Are we quoting Esther here? What is this?] As I woke up that morning, I was only semi-surprised after looking out my window to find my younger sister Julia outside. I was surprised since my hummingbird thermometer read 93 degrees at 9 o’clock in the morning and she was out there. [93 degrees! We’re talking Fahrenheit, you guys! I don’t know how Julia is still alive in that boiling heat. And apparently the narrator is 87 years old, what with her hummingbird thermometer and all.] On the other hand, I was not all that astonished because my sister is in love with anything and everything that has leaves.

Also known as….nature?

All of nature you could say.

Oh, well there you go!

On this particular morning she was planting some new flowers in her miniature garden in the front lawn. Daddy always says, “As long as she keeps the yard nice, that’s one less thing I have to do.” [Daddy sounds like kind of a bum!] I stumbled out of bed and made my way to the kitchen.
“Good morning, Samantha dear. I’m glad you woke up so I could see you before I left,” said my mother.
"Left?" I asked. "Where are you going?"
"Oh, Samantha. Just because you have summer vacation from school doesn't mean that I have vacation from the studio."
Oh yeah. Mom works for advertisement agency.

Are you guys ready for my idea of what someone who works for an ad agency does?

She thinks up ideas and makes primitive sketches on paper. [Caveman sketches???] She doesn't like to say "the office" because she thinks it says stiff and boring. So she calls it "the studio" which is perfectly fine with me.

I'm sure Mom is glad she has Samantha's approval on this one!

Unfortunately, that is where this little "story" ends. I have no idea where it was headed. Most likely Samantha and Julia were going to get into some crazy hot weather shenanigans in the miniature garden.

BONUS! Valerie's favorites! I know it's a huge surprise that I would have made a list, but here's a list of my favorite things from when I was probably about...12? Yeah, we'll go with 12.

Valerie Morby
Color- green - 2nd purple
Number- 13
Day- Fri.
animal- panther (...Why?)
car- mustang
B.ball team- Rockets & Bulls
state- Texas
book- And Condors Danced & Gone w/ the Wind
TV show- Step by Step (Wow.)
movie- Newsies & Grease & That T. Y. Do (Too cumbersome to actually write out the words "That Thing You Do?")
song- That Thing Y. Do & We go Together & Holy Cow (aka King of New York) & 409
LEAST Favorites-
color- Pink
number- 7 (Again....why?)
Day- Wed
animal- chicken
B.ball team- Mavericks (I know! Such a traitor.)
state- Nebraska (I find this hilarious because I have no idea why I would have said this.)
TV show- Power Rangers
movie- The Secret of Rone Inish (Horrible movie my grandma rented for me once.)
song- It's all coming back to me (Lol! Oh, Celine....)
group- Beatles

Maybe someday I'll get down to the bottom of my deep seated hatred for chickens and the number 7.... If I ever figure it out, I'll let you know!


~lady j said...

LOL! Poor Nebraska.
Oh and I want to deck Charlotte Amanda too. :)

And it's totally okay that you were over Power Rangers. More Tommy for me. :)

dc said...

I love that the BEACH BOYS got all caps. Also, I think you should invest in a hummingbird thermometer. Sounds quite stylish.

Lara said...

Why couldn't you think of a least favorite car???!!

Annie Parsons said...

My grin is HUGE right now. Grinning out loud. I love old Valerie stories!

Stephanie said...

aaaand now i have Celine Dion stuck in my head. Awesome.

and i LOVE these stories! I'm still smiling :)

Katie said...

These are HILARIOUS. Insights into the mind of young Valerie...priceless. :)

MrsWissmann said...

Because I have an official site now...I figure I should comment :)

Power Rangers.

Now THAT brings back some memories. My sisters and I used to fight over who got to be the Pink one...I always lost and had to be yellow.

What a loser.