Sunday, November 15, 2009

Love's (Suffocating) Embrace

Have you guys seen the Kay Jewlers commercial for the new "Love's Embrace" necklace yet? Go watch it (you'll have to scroll down just a little bit and click "Watch the Love's Embrace commercial), and then we’ll talk.


Okay so seriously. Everything about this commercial gives me the willies. First of all, how creepy and smarmy is that guy? I think he learned everything he knows about women from watching OTHER JEWELRY COMMERCIALS. I mean really—who talks or acts like that? He really thinks he is smooth. (Do you want to break the news to him, or should I?)

Second, I really hate that stupid woman who has never seen lightning before. Clearly she has been living in a cave or some sort of underground bomb shelter, and in that case I really don’t think he should have made her stand right there and watch the fake raging storm through a giant glass window. Too much too soon, you know? Let’s take it one step at a time and start out with something easy like wind or fog, shall we?

Third, how creepy does he look after he tells her he's "right here" and then gets all serious, brings out the ring box, and menacingly threatens, “And I always will be.” Run away, girlfriend! That’s what us above-grounders call a stalker. And it’s okay to say no. He doesn’t own you! You’re every woman!

Oh, but wait! Looks like there’s something that SPARKLES inside that box! From the looks of that FAB diamond necklace, why would she want to get away now?

Am I right, ladies?

As we learned from Sarah Haskins, jewelry fixes everything!

By the end of the commercial, ol' Bomb Shelter up there is sufficiently convinced she is not dating/married to a serial killer (Do you want to break the news to him, or should I?), and tells Creepy McCreeperson, "Don't let go. Ever."

Ah, Love's Embrace. Love's cold...dead...embrace.


hootenannie said...


Ginger said...

Jeepers Creepers Kay Jewelers... what in the world? This looks like a scene from a Lifetime movie. Any second a jealous Meredith Baxter Birney is going to come through the door and demand to know who this other woman is.

Anonymous said...

Gag me. -m

Elanor said...

Oh my gosh that is way too disturbing. Once we had a really bad lightning/hail storm and Andrew stood in the kitchen surrounded by glass windows and I went and hid in the laundry room, and maybe cried a little because I thought my husband was crazy. (Maternal hormones had something to do with it- he was holding our newborn baby next to all the breakable glass while jagged lumps of ice were hurtled from the sky) He thought it was so cool. I thought it was not fun and the sort of thing you should hide from under nice soft blankets, possibly with some hot cocoa to protect you. I think that's a little closer to reality.

dc said...

Annie - Val - we are all way too much alike. I just blogged about the Kay Jeweler's horrible, horrible commercials... and then saw your rant, which is phenomenal.

Lauren said...

The first time I saw this commercial on TV, I thought it was for another vampire movie. Surely that's what they meant to convey by the lightning and the close-up of the guys' mouth dangerously close to her neck?

I'm so glad someone shares my disgust for this clip.

Prosso said...

That's what us above-grounders call a stalker. Amazing.