I signed up for an on-line dating three separate times in my
late twenties. Once for three months with eHarmony, one month through Match,
and then a final one-month sprint on eHarmony that led to the final match with
my husband. These facts don’t make me an expert on the topic. I went on dates
with three different people and obviously married one of those three.
That being said – I’ve had multiple friends ask for advice when
it comes to online dating. There are important things to consider before
meeting a total stranger, but I think there are also some really important
things to consider on the day you sign-up for an account.
Here’s my
list of important reminders!
On-Line Dating Pros:
1. 1 in 8 marriages now start
out as online dating relationship. We were hesitant to talk about it at first,
but now it’s just a part of our story. I feel like every time we tell our story
we hear about more and more people who are really finding success through the
medium.I have no problem giving a shout-out to the matchmaking
skills of a website… and more importantly to the matchmaking skills of a
Heavenly Father who can use ANYTHING to accomplish His purposes.
2. Online dating provides a "place" to meet people
that you don't already have reason to meet. Very helpful in our situation… we
lived almost an hour away from each other.
3. Online dating websites
are super user friendly. You get to find a service that embodies your values -
which already helps you narrow the field dramatically. (So helpful.)
TIPS FOR FILLING OUT AN PROFILE:
1. Make the main thing the
main thing. I set up some “must haves” for myself when I started the journey. I
was personally looking for something more than someone who just went to church.
I wanted someone who was following after Jesus. I was careful to use that type
of language in my profile so no one would have to guess where I stood. Put out
there whatever is most important to you – active vs. sedentary lifestyle,
willing to attend sporting events, wanting to have kids, faith… etc. It will
save everyone a lot of time.
2. Have someone who knows
you well read through your profile. My girlfriend who did that for me actually
changed a few things. She said that even though what I had was good, it wasn’t
an accurate and full picture of me… it was too serious. She helped refine the
descriptive words about me and checked for grammar and spelling. (Speaking of grammar – that’s something I
looked for in every profile I came across. If you can’t take the time to
proofread I’m probably done reading your profile.) She also helped me pick
out a variety of pictures. A lot of guys and gals choose to put up one in a
bathing suit to show off tats and what-not… but that’s not my M.O. and frankly
that’s not the guy I was looking for. (In
fact, a shirtless pic as the main pic was a turn off for me. I’m not
dating/marrying someone’s abs or nipple ring.)
3. Fill out that “What’s one
thing my friends know about me?” question. I rolled my eyes at the number of
guys who answered, “Guess you will have
to wait to find that out.” Not clever. Everyone answers that way. Be
unique!
4. Don’t make your search
too small. Again – keep the main things firm (for me strong faith, not smoking, and wanting a family were most
important) – but be ready to make the rest of the search broader. Had my
friend not encouraged me to change the height and age range of my search I
would have missed meeting my guy! Keep your options open unless you keep
getting too much of one age. Feel free to change those ranges of distance etc.
on a weekly basis to see what kind of different matches you get. If you only
get one a day, chances are you need to make the distance or age broader.
5. I wouldn’t jump to “fast
track” open communication. Take your time and don’t get discouraged if people
don’t respond as quickly as you might want. Some people only get on once a day,
or even once a week – it just depends how long they’ve been on e-harmony. At
the beginning I was checking 2xs a day… not so much in the weeks that followed,
especially after D and I moved to e-mail.
We went through the
E-harmony steps, then moved to personal e-mail, then to texting and talking on
the phone before we had our first date. When
we moved to open communication D asked how I thought things should progress. He asked about the timeline of each progression so that I would be comfortable… and I didn’t give him my
last name until we moved to personal e-mail addresses.
6. Give a piece of info on
your profile that makes you stand out. Most people say they like
sports, hanging with friends, their families and “God.” Great. But what makes
you “you”?
What caught our
attention?
David listed my favorite
book, A Severe Mercy, as the last
book he had read. Major bonus points.
D said that aside from
pics and a general pleasant profile, my “one
thing you should know about me” fact snagged his attention: “I have mad board game skills.” – it
was comical but also something he enjoys.
GENERAL
ONLINE DATING TIPS
- Ask LOTS of questions before you meet.
- GOOGLE and research. (Be smart!)
- Let friends and family know where you are going to be and when. (You might even have someone within walking distance of your first date.)
- Drive separately until you feel like you know this person.
- Involve your community in your relationship. (We didn’t want our marriage to exist on an island separated from the input of other relationships – so we made spending time with each other’s community a top priority. We double-dated with friends, watched LOST with his crew, and made sure to stay connected to both of our faith communities.)
- Pray it up.
This is not an all-inclusive
list by any means – any of the tips. So feel free to add everything I’ve
forgotten today.
Worst-case scenario: You end up with some fabulously awkward tales to share at parties.
Best-case scenario: You meet someone who wants to play boardgames with you. (For always.)
