Thursday, December 2, 2010

You're a Mean One

I absolutely love Christmas music. It takes everything in me to wait until after Thanksgiving so I can start playing my hundreds of collected Christmas songs. But certain ones that cross my path on the radio or in department stores have no right to call themselves Christmas music- they are just that terrible.

These songs are somehow all the worse because they portend to be full of Christmas cheer, when in reality they really just make you want to stuff gingerbread in your ears so you never have to hear those songs (or really any sound at all) ever again. Quite the opposite of the Christmas spirit.

These songs are different for everyone. For me, the non-negotiable songs that I will not subject myself to at any time are as follows.

The Christmas Shoes: Just when you think this song can’t get any more sappy and insufferable, the children’s choir starts in. Shudder.

Wonderful Christmastime: The chorus tends to endlessly reverberate in my ear drums after I've heard this song… “Simply having a wonderful Christmastime! Simply having a wonderful Christmastime!” GAH!

Little Drummer Boy: Whenever I hear some pop star singing “pa rum pa pum pum” in a faux-sincere voice, my hand can’t hit the “off” button fast enough.

My Grown-Up Christmas List: "What is this illusion called the innocence of youth / Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth" Can’t… stop… gagging….

Where are You, Christmas?: You want to know where Christmas is? It's hiding from this terrible song.

Call me Grinch if you want to, but you know there's at least a few Christmas songs you absolutely can't stand. Let me know in the comments!


hootenannie said...

"You want to know where Christmas is? It's hiding from this terrible song."

I adore you. :)

~lady j said...

absolutely what she ^ said!!! love!

Lara said...

Yep. I was going to comment on the same comment as the two ladies above me. And that song IS awful-- I was actually thinking of making a list for the site of biggest WTF movie Christmas songs. I had that song in mind as my number one.

Anonymous said...

I can't stand The Little Drummer Boy either. And Baby, It's Cold Outside? Ick.

Shannalee said...

bahaha. I could not agree more. Especially about the Christmas shoes. I will say, though, that when Bing Crosby and David Bowie do the Drummer Boy, I don't hate it.

Stevox said...

I will walk out of a church service if they start playing "Mary Did You Know." Yek.

Anonymous said...

Why has nobody mentioned "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away..."

WTH, man. Christmas is supposed to be about love and trees and snowbunnies.