5th Annual Oscar Picks

Well, this is it, people! Once again, I present you with my picks for all 24 of tomorrow's Academy Award winners, and these are really the only predictions you need to read, because I have never been wrong ever.*

(Previously: 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008.)


Best Picture: Oh, I am just SO delighted to anticipate the win of one of my most favorite movies from 2011, "The Artist." I haven't felt this confident since naming "Slumdog Millionaire" the big winner three years ago, and I couldn't be happier. So mark one down for the silent film here, because this one will be joyfully tap-dancing away with the gold!

Best Director: Three years ago, I said that "So many times Best Director and Best Picture just go hand in hand. It’s not a hard and fast rule, but it’s a pretty solid bet." Why argue with my own logic? Let's just hope that whoever presents this category has practiced the pronunciation of "Michel Hazanavicius."

Best Actor: I've researched this category quite a bit, and what's funny to me is that pretty much everyone predicts either George Clooney for "The Descendants," or Jean Dujardin for "The Artist," and everyone is absolutely confident that it is one of them. I've read a lot of "George Clooney WILL WIN this one" predictions, or else, "The winner is definitely Jean Dujardin." Well, I don't feel nearly as confident picking between them, but I will stick with my favorite film in the category and go with Jean Dujardin.

Best Actress: Well, it's obviously either going to be Viola Davis or Meryl Streep. They've been sparring over the category this entire awards season, but this time around the name in the envelope will be Viola Davis.

Best Supporting Actor: I'm probably the most confident out of all of my predictions with this one. It's going to be Christopher Plummer, hands down.

Best Supporting Actress: Oh I would LOVE to see my dear Melissa McCarthy (aka Sookie St. James on "Gilmore Girls") win this one, but I just don't think it's going to happen. This year the big winner will probably be Octavia Spencer.

Animated Feature: I've never made a prediction in this category that wasn't Pixar. And this year? They're not even IN this category. (What happened, y'all??) So I am a bit at a loss, I must say. However, I can't bring myself to pick a "Puss in Boots" or a "Kung Fu Panda 2," and while the critics do seem to be loving "Chico & Rita," in the end I am going with "Rango."

Art Direction: While I would love to see the final film in the Harry Potter series get a win, I think the visually stunning "Hugo" will probably win this one.

Cinematography: Looks like this one is going to "The Tree of Life."

Costume Design: Irrespective of the quality of the film as a whole, the winner in this category seems to always be simply the most elaborate costumes. That's why "Jane Eyre" or even "Anonymous" wouldn't surprise me terribly if they ended up winning. Fortunately, I think this year the odds are actually with the dazzling duds from "The Artist."

Film Editing: When all else fails, stick with the Best Picture winner. And I really hope it is a big night for "The Artist!"

Makeup: Part of me is nervous that the award for Best Makeup could go to the folks who made Glenn Close look like a man in "Albert Nobbs." However, I truly believe, and desperately hope, that the winner is "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2!"

Original Score: I've been listening to the charming score from "The Artist" ever since I first saw the movie in December. It's absolutely delightful, and I highly recommend you download that biznass ASAP!

Original Song: Y'all, I just can't vote against "The Muppets!"

Original Screenplay: As the saying goes, "You don't bet against Woody Allen!" Okay, so nobody says that, but it's still true. This award is going to "Midnight in Paris."

Adapted Screenplay: It's hard to pick anyone other than Aaron Sorkin (who co-wrote this year's "Moneyball") because the Academy sure seems to love him. However, all signs point to "The Descendants." Go Dean Pelton!

Sound Mixing: Buzz buzz buzz... Do you hear that? It's buzz for "Hugo!" (Yikes, that was bad. Apologies.)

Sound Editing: Please don't ask me what the difference is between the previous category and this one, because I'm not entirely sure. Either way, I'm picking "Hugo" again.

Visual Effects: Man, tough category. So many of the nominees had effects that were so, like... visual. And I really wish I was about to say "Deathly Hallows" again, but I just can't. I think the winner will most likely be (I can't believe I'm saying this) "Rise of the Planet of the Apes."

Documentary Feature: Gosh, I just have no idea here. Part of me wants to pick the football doc "Undefeated" because it looks so "Friday Night Lights"-esque, but I think the winner will be "Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory."

Documentary Short: Maybe one year I will actually WATCH some of the nominated documentaries. Alas, despite hearing that they are all very good this year, this is not the year for Valerie to have seen them all. Or any. It's a hard category to do research for, but in the end I think I'm going to have to pick the Iraq-war-set "Incident in New Baghdad."

Foreign Language Film: Did you see the trailer for "A Separation"? Amazing, and I wish I'd gotten a chance to see the film before Sunday. Powerful stuff. Everyone says it really should have been nominated for Best Picture, so with that endorsement, how could I pick anything else?

Animated Short: How about "La Luna"?

Live Action Short: It's either going to be "Raju" or "The Shore." I am going to literally flip a coin here. Hang on... Okay! "The Shore" it is!

*Liar. Wrong all the dang time.