Wednesday, November 7, 2007


I am such a mixed up person. I have this desire to take life slowly and enjoy it as it comes. But I also have a desire to make decisions, to run around, and to accomplish as many things as possible before my eyes close at night. (I couldn’t even type “before my head hits the pillow” because a lot of the time I’m still making lists or doing things once I get into bed.)

I spent a large part of my afternoon in a Gelato shop that was playing some great music. After the 93 degree heat outside (yes, it IS November) the cool interior was a real treat. I sat down with “East of Eden” for the better part of an hour. Every so often the guilt would creep in and I would feel the need to flee the scene and become responsible and accomplished with my afternoon…but the music was so nice, and the smell from the neighboring Coffee Shop so comforting…that I couldn’t. I just couldn’t t myself away from the enjoyment.

Usually, the responsible side of me wins. I never stay in one place for very long, perhaps something I picked up from an overly productive father. I walk into a coffee shop to read or study and end up leaving after 30 minutes, the moment I have finished my purchase. I don’t know what the deal is. I’m trying hard to balance this out. But even now, I am gazing at the clock on the wall of the library knowing that I should hop on the elevator to take me to class…but it’s not really time for class…I just like to be responsible and early.

Perhaps that is why I’m generally the first one at the party…the first one for jury summons this morning, and by far one of the first ones to leave a gathering. I’m pretty sure I’m not socially awkward, but I do find myself increasingly inept at rest and recuperation.

Hmm…maybe I’m onto something. Didn’t God say something about having a Sabbath? I think that sounds ri ----- better go. Don’t want to be late to being early to class.

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