Thursday, August 19, 2010

Shape Up

I came to the realization last night that I have roughly 10-12 days of living on my own before I am community-bound forever. This was both exciting and (for a brief moment) terrifying. I am moving in with a wonderful family next weekend. They have been kind enough to care for me since I first arrived in Arizona. But I've basically lived on my own since November of 2006. I had a two-month stint at a condo... but the roommate situation didn't work out. (I can't sleep with temps at 86 degrees in my bedroom - even if I sleep with wet hair and a bag of ice on my stomach... go figure.)

So I'm moving in with my Arizona family... and then possibly a family from David's church... and then in with my parents at a hotel... and then with some gals for the weekend of the wedding... and then... with a boy.

Living alone is really nice. I set the air conditioner at 75 to sleep. I choose what to eat for my meals. I walk around wearing whatever I want to. I listen to my music at any volume. I eat in front of the T.V. or at my kitchen table... or not at all. I sleep with TWO noisemakers and a fan. I run laundry at 11pm at night. I narrate as I cook and I sing as I clean.

But this complete freedom, while amazing, doesn't force me to change much. Occasionally I have the plummet into self-pity, loneliness, or even fear... but I generally recover.

I think being in a situation where the other person is designed to be a mirror of my faults sounds a little wondrously terrifying... if I'm completely honest. Community is designed to shape us. I'm on the road to shape up.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” - C.S. Lewis


jordy liz said...

Living with a boy is definitely different - but fun, too. :) You can still walk around in whatever you want, y'all can eat on the couch if you want to and there is someone to tell you how nice you look all the time.

And somehow I compromised having the air on at 73 when we sleep... not sure how I managed that one!

reneamac said...

Very well put, dear girl. Love you!

Prosso said...

The mirror thing is so true. I thought I was a great guy until I got married and I couldn't hide from the world anymore. It's definitely a good thing, though. Refining.

shannonmichaelis said...

Love it - you are moving in with a boy!!! Whoo-hoo!