Friday, June 10, 2011

Lamesauce Letters

I burnt both of my hands pulling something out of the oven AGAIN this week. I had to capitalize that entire word because this is about the tenth time I've burn the tops of my hands on the roof of an oven. One would think I might get a clue and change my behavior, but I haven't. (At this point my sister, parents, and husband might be rolling their eyes.) The next logical response would then be to write complaint letters. (OBVIOUSLY.)

Dear recipes that call for cooking a pan on the stove and then placing said pan in the oven,
perhaps some people are talented enough to remember not to touch the metal handle of something that has been in a 400 degree oven... but I'm not one of them. The last time I needed to cook stuffed pork chops in this manner I told my husband that his one job was making sure I didn't burn myself. I grabbed that hot metal handle and scalded myself... twice. Stupid pork chops. LAME.

Dear Coffeemate Creamer,
I really like your product. I stay true to you and don't opt for other brands. You usually have the best coupons. But do you know what you don't have? A spill proof way of pouring. Creamer seeps out the top and down the sides no matter how careful I am! If I'm supposed to shake the bottle before using there will be creamer stuck up in the lid when I open and pour. LAME. Let's work on this.

Dear Campbell's Soup at Hand,
I faithfully drank (ew?) your product for almost a decade. Chicken and stars, wedding soup, taco blend... they all helped me through college, rehearsals, and long days at the office. Out of the hundreds of containers I opened I was never, ever, never, ever able to open and remove the metal lid without spraying at least some soup on me, the microwave, or the floor. LAME. There has to be a better way to package that product. If Apple can produce a new iPhone ever year, I think you can step up your game.
That's it... for now.
p.s. Don't worry. I'm still going to use all three of you. I'm just not going to do it smiling.

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