Pinch Me

I don't know if I can put into words what I'm feeling and processing today. So many people that I love are working through disappointments. They had dreamed and hoped and then... it didn't happen. Heartbreak.

Have you seen the Joseph Kony video that's been shared millions of times this week? Watching the shares and even the controversy surrounding the social media frenzy has taken me back to a time of my own heartbreak. In May of 2008 I applied to be an intern with Invisible Children. I was absolutely convinced that I would be accepted and moving to Uganda. I had asked for a leave of absence at work. I put every inch of me into believing that I would move to Uganda in the fall. I read books, memorized facts, took classes, and even moved my stuff into storage- all the while 100% believing and trusting that God was going to have me to to Uganda. The DAY AFTER I moved my stuff into storage I got the "no" letter. I wrote this blog post in July of 2008 while I was still reeling.

I have known the disappointment that comes when you feel like you are living and walking in God's will... only to have everything you are sure of break apart.

I'll be honest, the rest of 2008 was challenging. I struggled. But I learned so much through the experience about myself and about My God. He didn't say "no" to punish or confuse me. I had been asking Him to guide my steps... and He did.

Rejection is hard, especially when you feel like you were acting in faith. "But in faith Abraham left everything – his home and family – and went to the land the Lord would slowly grant him."

Abram [Abraham] who did not always wait, obey, or trust - is chosen to have more descendants than the sands in the sea. This man from Ur was selected out of everyone on the planet of that time to receive THE PROMISE. So why Abram?

Genesis 12:4 suggests an initial answer: "So Abram left." Perhaps one answer is simply, "Because he'd go." (Beth Moore)

Uganda with Invisible Children in the fall of 2008 is not the land for me. Perhaps Uganda or Africa one day...but maybe not. Part of this process was learning just to be willing to go wherever or whenever He leads. I had money saved, my bags packed, and I was ready for His call. Maybe He was just asking me if I was ready.

Whether I'm overseas or right here on my quiet street, I know I'm aiming to follow.

"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." Hebrews 10:39

This is for...

-The me of 4th grade who was told by another student, "My dad says you got fat over the summer."

-The girls who message me on facebook to tell me that they are being told by all the kids at school that they are ugly.

-The me at 18 who stood on a balcony at her senior prom and thought, "No one will ever want me."

-The girls who come and find me at the end of a session to say that they never knew someone else had the same story.

-The me at 22 who began a downward spiral of over-eating and then conveniently ridding myself of the evidence.

-The women who desperately desire to improve upon His workmanship with knife and plastic.

-The me at 25 who cried lonely tears into my steering wheel.

-The young women who text me on a daily basis asking "what do I if I hate the way that I look?"

-The me at 28 who felt so alone.

-Every time I hear a girl tell me, "I can't eat that... my mom says I am getting fat."

-The young women who will find themselves in the seats of a church in Arizona tomorrow night.

The sleepless nights, the stress, the preparation. It's all for them. It's all for Him.

www.withinconference.com

Superheroes

I have a friend that I affectionately refer to as Superwoman. She’s only 26 and she absolutely blows me away. I can’t tell her story without tearing up. I remember very vividly having a conversation with Megan a few years ago as she described to me her desire to be a foster parent. She had graduated college and begun teaching at a local elementary school and was now considering this next enormous step. Megan accepted the call to foster and was able to provide a stable and loving home for three different children. This month Megan adopted her foster son Cooper. They are now connected forever. She spent this past weekend moving her new family into a home closer to her parents. Her heart’s desire is to provide for her son the best way she can. You may ask why a single young woman would be willing to drastically alter her life for a two year-old. I love Megan’s answer: “I can guarantee that he will be loved and will know of God’s love through me. I can’t be assured of that if he’s sent back into the foster system.” Megan has chosen to live sacrificially and I am blessed to call her friend.

I would also like to introduce you to the Incredibles…Mr. and Mrs. Incredible. Not only are the Amaros two of the most talented people I have ever met, but they inspire everyone around them to think creatively about the bigger picture. Fernando is a gifted musician and filmmaker who leads by example. Carrie Fay excels in photography and writing and half a dozen other things. Bilingual, biracial, and now they are looking to grow their family internationally. Already the incredible parents to one of the sweetest kids on the planet, they are in the long and tedious process of international adoption. I’ve been surprised to hear the questions they’ve received about their reasoning in making this decision, and humbled to hear their response. There is a very lucky girl in Ethiopia who will be coming to live with the Incredibles one day. And although this process is lengthy, frustrating, and expensive, the Amaros are reassured that God’s plan is perfect and their family will only blossom with the new addition.

Finally, I want to highlight the work of a talented Wonder Woman who has chosen to work for something bigger than herself. I worked with Sydney at summer camp several years ago and have been following her photography and design work since then. Last spring Sydney packed her life in Austin up and headed to Uganda. She works for an organization called Watoto and it has been incredible to live vicariously through her journey. I read her blog and was especially moved by a recent entry that was both simple and poignant. I love to see the way she is utilizing her giftings not only in the provinces, but all over the world. (1 Thessalonians 1:8).
I am blessed to know so many superheroes, I could just go on and on about them. But I wanted to remind us all that the choices we make, whether big or small, do have real and lasting impact on those around us. I am both motivated and humbled to see what can be done with one life. We each choose what our stories will say. As Erwin McManus says,” You were born with potential; you were not intended to die with it.” What's your story saying?

Ready and Waiting

I feel ready.

That's the only word I can find to describe my current mood. There are possibilities in the air.

I don't know exactly what it is, but it must be a combination of a lot of factors. It's having a good hair day and a closet full of clean laundry. It's the gorgeous and cool weather we had today. It's being barefoot and reading good books and being delighted and receiving save the date cards and laughing on the phone. It's knowing I'll be "out of the office" for the next few days. It's anticipating the Emmy's on Sunday. It's knowing that the Beach House is probably okay. It's a full tank of gas and everywhere yet nowhere to go.

It feels like the Beginning. I'm excited for what's coming, even though I have no idea what I'm anticipating. But it's about to start.

Is there a soundtrack for this feeling?

The days are full of anticipation.

I want to dance in the street and run on the beach and tackle my friends in huge hugs and laugh over all the new exciting things.

I'm ready to go and see and do. I'm ready for change. I’m ready for something new.

I want to come with you wherever you're heading.

Are you ready? Let's go.